While semi-dozing in class the other day, I came to the realization that, despite Bowdoin's relatively diverse group of personalities, there are certain groups of people that appear in virtually every class. To help you all differentiate between these groups, I have come up with a list of those who appear most regularly. Obviously, these descriptions are all caricatures and do not describe anyone specifically, but as a wise, ex-Bowdoin student once said, "Without stereotypes, how would I know what to think of people?"
"The Mess"
This person, almost invariably a male, resembles Mark Bellhorn after a rough night on the town. He always shows up five to ten minutes late, unshaven, bloodshot eyes, clothes that appear to have last been washed at some point in middle school. He may or may not reek of cheap bourbon, but he always looks as though he is about to collapse and pass out at any time. He speaks rarely if at all in class, and when called upon will usually mumble some nonsensical answer or ask everyone around him to stop yelling so loud. This is the adult version of "the smelly kid" in elementary school.
"The Resident Hippie"
The Resident Hippie can be either male or female, and based solely on appearance, may be indistinguishable from other students, though a reliance on hemp jewelry and faux dreadlocks may be fairly good signs. There are two definitive characteristics of the Resident Hippie. The first is a propensity to somehow bring every discussion around to the environment. It can be a math class, and somehow this person can propose an ecologically sound alternative to trigonometry. The second defining characteristic is the ability to blame Bush for everything that has ever gone wrong in the world?from World War II to the Sox meltdown in '86. According to this person, Bush somehow was involved.
"The Young Republican"
These disciples of Adam Smith are recognizable by their dress (tucked in dress shirts, khaki pants, loafers), their reading material (The Wall Street Journal, The Economist), and their hatred of poor people. Unlike the hippies, this group manages to bring every discussion back either to the economy (and how the free market will solve any debate) or to the moral decline of American society, due to those "pinkos and sexual deviants."
"The Steak-Noggin"
This group, while certainly not including every athlete at Bowdoin, is made up mostly of athletes or those who wish they were athletes. They are noticeable by their fixation on discussing weightlifting, mumbled speech, and disdain for anyone not as "totally jacked!" as them. Listening to a Steak-Noggin make a point in class is somewhat akin to watching Neanderthal man first discover fire.
"The Suck-Up"
These are the kids who probably took savage beatings weekly in high school, and make up for that unfortunate past by pissing off everyone in college. The Suck-Up always sits in the front row, and nods his/her head vigorously in response to every single thing the professor says. I have seen professors drop a book and curse, and the whole front row starts moving their heads like he had just discovered gravity. These may not be the smartest people in the world, but they try to make themselves appear smart by agreeing with everything the professor says, often making a "point" by rephrasing the previous thought in their own words, and sitting back smugly, content with the fact they will live a long, lonely life.
"The Tortured Artist"
This person seems to think that he/she is above petty class discussions, and instead steers any discussion into one about the meaning of life, or the suffering that exists in this world. Personally, I never saw much of a connection between Shakespeare's comedies and "the tragedy that is modern life," but apparently some people do. This group of people tend to describe themselves in euphemisms?"my work is misunderstood" (translation: it sucks), "I'm free-spirited" (translation: insane), "this really captures the essence of life" (translation: it makes no sense, but uses big words).
"The Dumb Kid"
Much as we all hate to admit it, there's always that one person in a class that, when they speak, you just find yourself wondering "How the hell did this person get into Bowdoin?" The Dumb Kid is not someone who just struggles with a particular subject, or has trouble with writing essays?it is the person who feels the need to show exactly how stupid he/she is by asking constant, idiotic questions and attempting to make intellectual points that end up sounding like a third grader explaining something to a second grader. I have seen entire classrooms full of students grow less intelligent by the minute while these particular students talk?it is not a pretty sight.