With the commencement of Ladd House's annual Epicuria this past Saturday night, a year of festively themed social house parties began. Those of us who managed to get out without melting into the floor are probably looking forward to similar social house gatherings soon. Before we know it, the run-of-the-mill Eighties, Halloween, Beach, CEOs and Corporate Businesswomen, and Valentine's Day bashes will be upon us. And while any party that feeds us stale keg beer like it's mother's milk and manages to get women in their bikini tops might seem like they'll do just fine, I'm starting to wonder if Bowdoin isn't stretching its party-planning to its maximum.
So, after many laborious hours spent in pursuit of a fresh take on Bowdoin's party scene, I've compiled the following list of party ideas. These are simply sketches, that, I feel, are a better reflection of Bowdoin's ability to "think outside the booze" than an Under the Sea party. The Inter-House Council should feel free to contact me for further discussion.
The Great Depression Gala. This idea came about while sitting around with some friends, all of whom had little to no pocket money to go anywhere with. Attire would be overalls and wool shawls. We'd have a station outside the doors that would consist of a gigantic pile of coal, with someone throwing clouds of black soot on the underage partiers. I think we would find it to be much easier to wash off than a sharpied "X." Perhaps we could convince Barry Mills to do the honors of sooting!
All that would be served at the party would be a giant keg of porridge that we would huddle around with wooden bowls, waiting to be served. Three bottles of gin would be passed around the party (but no cups), and those lucky to get a swig would be temporarily warmed from the freezing cold air conditioning that would be blown through the whole party. We could have some of the social house members spinning hoops around the common room.
Garbagemen and their Trash. At my high school, groups of homecoming-goers would dress up in various themes, and, I swear on a stack of Bibles, there was a group of fifteen- to sixteen-year-olds that had parents totally careless or oblivious enough to let them go dressed as "Garbagemen and their Trash." There was also "Firemen and their Hose," but I think that the garbage idea is a little more colorful. Anyway, I think this is a sort of an alternate take (an acoustic version, if you will) that still falls under the "Professsional, Successful Men and their Scantily Clad Secretaries and Masseuses" umbrella.
Here's my vision: first, we get the city of Brunswick to lend a single garbage truck to the College for a night. We recruit several first years to help clean the thing out, and we put the kegs in there. Social house members will stay in the truck throughout the night serving beer in used Solo Cups (as a tribute to Sustainable Bowdoin).
Ladies, the "Trash" idea can be taken pretty much anywhere you want it to go. For myself, I plan on finding a large cardboard cylinder, and painting it gray. Then, I'm going to duct-tape banana peels, discarded napkins and Kleenex, and some fallen leaves to the top of the cylinder. Then, tying a grey Frisbee to my head to resemble a lid, I'll step into the makeshift garbage can, and strap it to my shoulders. Voila! Trash.
The Inferno. The possibilities here are completely endless. Infinite, if you will. A big upside to this is that, temperature-wise, it really won't be much of a transition from Epicuria to Hell.
This is going to be a complicated one, though. We're going to need lots of rooms and hallways, so I envision Ladd being a nice host of this. Plus, they have those pine trees in front of the house that can act as the "dark woods." We would have someone with a long, grey, strap-on beard and cloak to play Virgil, who would mark underage hands. (Again, Barry?)
Limbo and the Incontinent Sins would be easy enough; perhaps some professors would be wiling to sacrifice their kids for a night to be The Unbaptised?they would howl and moan, and they could go to the fourth circle (The Gluttons) for snacks. It would be like free babysitting. The Lustful, who belong to the fifth circle, are pretty much a natural extension of any social house party, so I don't think we need to worry too much about a separate room for them.
Of course, this is not to hate on the Eighties and Toga parties that have initiated all of us into college. Being wrapped in a beer-stained sheet with a wreath of laurels on your head is an experience that should never be done away with. Partying with The Wrathful and Sullen will never quite replace that college milestone.