Words of wisdom from the face of SmuttyNose IPA: Paul Barber

Beer Fever with Weaver: A quick visit to the BootLegger

BootLeggers Beverage Warehouse. It often amazes me that in Boston you can't buy booze in gas stations. But here in Maine you're far more likely to head to your local 7-Eleven for a fill-up on Natty Light than for gas. Just the other week, coming back from an interview in Beantown, I pulled off to a Mobil to fill up on Bull Ice and was appalled when the sales clerk told me I should settle for a pomegranate seltzer water instead. Not in Maine. Here, kegs are delivered right to your doorstep and finding an aestival respite from the heat is as easy as locating the nearest neighborhood hard lemonade stand (50 cents!). Booze in Maine is sold like knock-off Louis Vuitton bags in Chinatown: It's not a question of where to find it, but rather where to find it cheapest. Welcome to Maine: The way life should be, baby.

Beer Fever with Weaver

Words of wisdom from the face of SmuttyNose IPA: Paul Barber

This piece represents the opinion of the author:

May 4, 2007

Paul Barber?Face of SmuttyNose IPA and Man of Infinite Wisdom

Spring is here. But enough about the weather. As classes come to an end and reading period begins, it is important for all of us to get our priorities straight and prepare for the long road of finals ahead.

This is why I enlisted the help of Paul Barber for this week's article. Mr. Barber holds his faded jeans up with a big gold belt buckle that says "Aloha." His eyebrows are bushier than a Chia Pet on Miracle-Gro and his love for Bowdoin lacrosse rivals his love for good beer, which, incidentally, has landed him squarely in a patio chair on the label for SmuttyNose IPA. Clearly, this guy has his priorities straight.

So, as we head into finals, I thought we could all learn something from the sagacious offerings of Mr. Barber, face of SmuttyNose IPA. I asked Mr. Barber a number of questions I thought pertinent to life at Bowdoin, and think his answers will prove a veritable guidebook for finishing this semester off right.

Alex Weaver: Please state your full name.

Paul Barber: Paul Barber.

Lesson: Clearly, Mr. Barber is a man of few words, and when writing final papers, take a page out of his book. If a professor says seven to 10, don't give him 14. You're not over-achieving, you're just being annoying.

AW: How did you become affiliated with SmuttyNose?

PB: My son-in-law is a professional photographer and asked me one day to help him on a shoot. He said he needed an old coot for a beer label for a Portsmouth brewery. He told me to bring some old clothes and my horned rim glasses, so I did and ended up on the label.

Lesson: Embrace your talents. So you're lazy, unmotivated, and procrastinate before even thinking about doing your work. So maybe Mr. Barber looks like an old coot and has old-looking clothes? Look where it got him.

AW: What is your favorite type of SmuttyNose and why?

PB: I like the IPA.

Lesson: Good answer. Don't be afraid to take credit for a job well done.

AW: Any perks to being the face of SmuttyNose IPA?

PB: I get free IPA once in a while.

Lesson: Free beer is one of the best things in life. So, work hard in school so you too can land yourself on the label of a popular beer and reap the satisfying rewards.

AW: My roommate, Ted, is really into wine coolers these days. Does SmuttyNose offer anything other than beer, or should I just tell Ted that he is a sissy?

PB: Ted should try the seasonal beers and make up his mind.

Lesson: Ted is a sissy.

AW: So say this Saturday night?and this is a purely hypothetical scenario here?nine of my buddies and I want to get a keg, lock ourselves in a windowless room, hand the key over to my girlfriend, and not be let out until every last drop is gone, no matter how painful the process or how long it takes us. What brand of SmuttyNose beer should we go into battle with and how do you think we will do?

PB: If you and your buds want to get plowed, what difference does the substance make? Any one of the SmuttyNose beers will do the trick. You will all do fine, right down to the last man awake.

Lesson: When it comes right down to it, beer is beer. Too bad the same can't be said for your econ final or 20-page lab report. But hey, life is life, right?

AW: When was the last time you drank a Natural Light?

PB: I don't think I know what Natural Light is. I may have had one and not known it.

Lesson: Natty Light is still the king of beers.

In the end, I think we should all take a page from Mr. Barber's book. I mean, just look at him. He landed on the label of SmuttyNose IPA because he looked the part and knew the right people. The Lesson: Things will work out?they always do. So let your priorities slip a little as the sun continues to shine and trust that everything will get done, because it's not what you achieve in life, it's how you go about it.

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