Let me first begin by informing all of you that the saying, "The Knicks are awful," or any nuance of this, has officially become a cliché, an annoying one, too. Being a fan of the club that went 23-59 last season (good for second-worst in the league), led by contemptuous Head Coach Larry Brown, conniving General Manager Isiah Thomas, and fickle owner Jim Dolan, I can see where this frequently-uttered phrase got its roots, and how it has managed to sustain itself into this season (Thomas and Dolan are both still there).
But to say that the Knicks are awful is a vast overstatement, yet still casual basketball fans and sports information generalists alike still consistently throw it into their speech. New York, heading into this weekend's All-Star break, is seven games under .500 at 23-30, but have already matched last season's win total with 29 games left to play, and are only three and a half games out of the eighth and final playoff spot in the East. So unless the Knicks somehow manage to complete the almost impossible feat of losing all 29 of their remaining games, they will finish with a better record than last season, and that improvement by itself will ultimately be enough to give New York and its fans a new sense of hope and renewal.
Now, would I go as far as saying that the Knicks are a good team? Of course not; they're far from it. But their longest losing streak of the season has maxed out at three games?a respectable number, which is why the thought of the Knicks?or any other team for that matter?losing 29 consecutive seems so inconceivable, right? Wrong again.
If you head northeast from the Knicks' Madison Square Garden, and travel approximately 216 miles in that direction (thanks, MapQuest), you will ultimately arrive at another familiar basketball arena: one that is home to the prolific 16-time NBA champions, legends like Bill Russell and Larry Bird, and sometimes, if we're unfortunate enough, a Britney Spears concert. It's the TD Banknorth Garden, home of the Boston Celtics: the worst team in the NBA.
Twenty-nine straight games without a win is a little extreme. But then again, so is 18, which became franchise record for the men in green this season. The Celtics, who were at home on Wednesday night against the Bucks, won their first game in 19 tries, finally snapping their dismal, nearly unprecedented losing skid with a 117-97 victory over Milwaukee. Boston has now won just one of 19 and three of 28 to improve to 13-38 overall, the worst record in the league. With their win Wednesday, the Celtics avoided joining the 1992-1993 Dallas Mavericks (11-71), who lost 19 straight games that season, and came within three losses of surpassing the 1972-73 Philadelphia 76ers (9-73), who lost an NBA-record 20 in a row that year.
Boston has a 4-25 record when trailing at the half, a 2-17 record against teams over .500, and an indecisive front office led by ringleader and general manager, Danny Ainge.
Yet, on top of all of this suffocating misery, Celtics fans still remain relatively optimistic about the future, investing their faith in several "truths" that they have heard through the proverbial grapevine. I am here to dispel these "truths" that these delusional Bostonians have chosen to believe in, by orchestrating an imaginary conversation between Celtic nation (in bold) and myself.
1. "I hope we keep losing so we can get the No. 1 draft pick!"
This is by far the dumbest, most prominent line to come up in any conversation with a Celtics fan, and is undoubtedly my favorite one to discuss. First of all, what kind of fan roots for their team to LOSE?! Are you INSANE?! Secondly, unluckily for Celtics fans, if their team finishes with the worst record in the league, they aren't guaranteed the No. 1 pick, and will have only a 25 percent chance of landing it thanks to the ping-pong-ball lottery method. And thirdly, although Ohio State freshman center Greg Oden (7'0" 280 lbs; 15.3 ppg, 9.5 rpg) and Texas freshman forward Kevin Durant (6'9" 225; 24.9 ppg, 11.4 rpg) would appear to be immediate impact players, only one out of the past thirteen No. 1 overall picks have won a championship since being drafted (Tim Duncan), and last I heard, LeBron James was supposed to be the next Michael Jordan, yet after three-and-a-half seasons he's led the Cavaliers to just one playoff series win and no titles.
2. "We should definitely trade Paul Pierce (so we can get another draft pick!)."
Yeah, definitely. The Celtics should definitely trade the only guy on their team who can shoot, the only guy on the team who is a legitimate star, and the only guy on the team who gives them a chance to win in the future. I mean, it's not like he's an iconic figure for Beantown hoops or the captain of the team...oh, wait a second...he's both! Trading "The Truth" would only set the Celtics back further from rebuilding the franchise (they are 9-9 with Pierce in the starting lineup this season) and would basically be the equivalent of the TD Banknorth Garden staff unleashing skunks to run free throughout the building in terms of driving away fans. Let's also not forget that in 2002, just five years ago, the Celtics, led by Pierce and a cast of skilled, athletic veterans were in the Eastern Conference Finals. But they should definitely trade him.
3. "We're going to be so good in a couple of years with all these young players on our roster!"
It's true that the Celtics have an average age of about 12, but most of these guys have been in the NBA for three or four years and just haven't progressed as much as originally expected, yet fans ruthlessly continue to regurgitate the foolish line above. In his third year, power forward Al Jefferson (13.9 ppg, 10.7 rpg) is putting together a nice little season, but has failed to blossom into the dominant shot-blocker/scorer that we heard so much hype about coming out of high school.
Point guard Delonte West, is a good passer, but is still not smart enough to be able to efficiently run an offense; the same goes for teammate Sebastian Telfair. Shooting guard Tony Allen is out for at least a year with a knee he stupidly injured on a dunk attempt after the whistle had already been blown, and Gerald Green (The next T-Mac!) is a fabulous dunker, but nothing more that that yet. The Celtics have the youth and exuberance, they're just severely lacking in raw talent.
4. "Doc Rivers (one of the best coaches in the NBA) will lead us to the Promised Land!"
The fact that Coach Rivers won the 2000 NBA Coach of the Year and missed the playoffs that same season should be enough to make you scratch your head. Rivers is a tremendous person: calm, poised, and an expert motivator. But over seven and a half seasons as a head coach, he has compiled a less than impressive career record of 262-292, going just 8-14 in the postseason, with zero playoff series victories. Ainge says that the head coach's job is safe for now, but just wait until he realizes that there might be someone out there who's better at handling such a young, inexperienced squad...someone like Mike Krzyzewski.
5. "We'll land a big name in free agency for sure!"
Unless you count Ruben Patterson and James Posey as big names I don't think so. Players like Vince Carter and Mike Bibby both have early termination options, and I highly doubt that Chauncey Billups would seek a second stint in the place that originally drove him out of town. Looks like you're stuck with Big Rube, fellas!
So are all of us green with envy over the Boston Celtics and their fans' current "win-win" situation? Of course not. But they believe we should be. But they're also the same ones who will continue to reiterate just how awful the Knicks are.