The Bowdoin Orient

A wise man once said, "Timing is everything." Maybe it was announcer Thom Brennaman after Derek Jeter's miraculous shovel pass to Jorge Posada in the 2001 Division Series, or Tiki Barber a couple of weeks ago when referring to his retirement, or perhaps it was even Mrs. Doubtfire after she (he?) barely managed to save ex-Bond impressionist Pierce Brosnan's life following his choking on some shrimp with a pinch of HOT JAMBALAYA! Not even a run-by-fruiting could have prevented this critical line from being spoken.

Whoever said it deserves some necessary recognition for there is no line more fitting for this past week, when my Cinderella New York Jets lost ungracefully to a 1-5 Cleveland Browns team courtesy of an oblivious officiating crew.

But all was not totally abject, for the NBA finally made its much-anticipated return to action on Tuesday night, ultimately allowing my mind to focus elsewhere while Pennington and Co. headed into the bye week.

Timing is everything and the basketball is now rolling, and has been for the last couple of days. So before you all forget about it, gearing up for the Colts-Patriots game this Sunday, here are my Top 10 Bold Predictions for the 2006-2007 NBA season.

Sorry Dolphins fans, but D-Wade and the gang won't be able to erase a year's worth of Joey Harrington nightmares with a title this June. Although Miami returns this season with virtually the same team that won them a championship last year over Dallas (as well as rings the size of hockey pucks), much of their success will hinge on the durability of center Shaquille O'Neal. The Diesel isn't finished, but he is certainly not the force he once was with the Lakers three-peat squads. But then again, he wasn't last year either. The truth is that the Heat will continue to be a powerhouse in the Eastern Conference, and could likely find themselves back in the finals defending their crown. That is until other teams start out-hustling and thus fully exploiting them.

The Grizzlies head coach is in the final year of a contract with a mediocre roster in the toughest division in the Western Conference, which consists of the Spurs, Mavericks, Rockets, and Hornets. At least Fratello's best player Pau Gasol isn't out for at least three months with a left foot he didn't break in the World Championships.

I hope you all enjoyed my futile attempt at a palindrome there; please forgive me. Switching numbers is relatively common in professional sports, but usually only when changing teams. It rarely ever happens with superstars. Suns center Amare Stoudemire will make the switch from No. 32 to No. 1 but that will probably go relatively unnoticed with all the games he missed last year. On the other hand, Kobe without No. 8 is like peanut butter without jelly, salt without pepper, and Pamela Anderson without silicone: just not right. And even though his new No. 24 jersey will sell like A-Rod Cub jerseys, it is inevitably a terrible basketball number, and when Bryant finds himself in the tiniest of funks he will realize his foolish mistake and immediately return back to normal. Either way, Kobe, you're still not better than Jordan.

I remember when I lost my mind, but does that make me crazy? Last year, the New York Knicks should have been called the New York Nationals, with everyone else naturally assuming the role of the Harlem Globetrotters. Under Head Coach Larry Brown, the Knicks fell to an abysmal record of 23-59, the worst in the Eastern Conference. Owner James Dolan then fired Brown, and in his place hired the culprit who initially made the mess by ruthlessly hauling in outrageous contract after outrageous contract with below-average talent attached to them: G.M. Isiah Thomas. Dolan has told Thomas that he must see significant improvement with the team this season?or else. Zeke has the roster that he himself assembled, and surprisingly, it's actually not that bad. They are young, athletic, and energetic merely lacking a leader especially in crunch time. But if Thomas can instill some of his former game in point guard Stephon Marbury, and make playing the game fun for everyone, with quite literally nothing to lose New York will slip into the postseason as the No. 7 seed...I hope.

It seems like every year there are rumors that The Truth will leave Boston and it never happens. This year it will. The Celtics have one of the more youthful rosters in the league with guys like Al Jefferson, Sebastian Telfair, and Gerald Green with Pierce at the nucleus. Yet they are vastly undersized and have lacked a true big man since the days of Dino Radja...er...I mean Bill Russell. Pierce has still yet to take the Celtics to the finals, and it will be at least two years before this team can contend again...that is unless they trade the former Kansas Jayhawk for a more dominant, taller player...Kevin Garnett ring any bells?

The Trailblazers starting lineup contains the likes of Jarrett Jack, Ime Udoka, Joel Przybilla, and Zac Randolph, all who compliment Roy who has the best raw talent out of anyone in this year's draft. He'll get the ball far more than most rookies this season, and will undoubtedly compile the most minutes. Simply put, it's his first season and he's already the go-to-guy. Enough said.

The advertisements for his newest shoe are long, random, Eddie-Murphy-in-Nutty Professor-esque, and utterly bizarre. But who knew that King James could dive, let alone act? That should easily be enough to keep us entertained all season long.

Milwaukee fans will finally have something to cheer about other than Prince Fielder and beer. The Bucks will be this year's surprise team led by none other than the six-year veteran shooting guard, Redd. The former Ohio State Buckeye averaged 25.4 points per game last year, and that figure will only increase this season as the faith his teammates have in him grows. No. 22 will head an athletic and underrated bunch including last year's No. 1 overall pick, Andrew Bogut, recently acquired Charlie Villanueva, and Bobby Simmons. They finished a respectable 40-42 last year under first-year head coach Terry Stotts, and with a year's more experience under everyone's belt, a new color scheme and jersey to match, with Redd front and center, the Bucks won't miss. So move over Mr. Nash, it's time to give it up for the Southpaw Slingshot.

Nash. Stoudemire. Marion. Quite frankly, that's all you need.

Yeah, I know I'm sorry. But just imagine what it would be like...