It's the question on everyone's mind: What's your number? No, not what's your phone number, but how many people have you slept with?
People love to talk about their number with their friends, reminisce and calculate it in their heads, and of course ask for their latest sexual partner's. We ask out of curiosity or nosiness, and among friends it gives us the opportunity to "one up" each other. Somehow, "What's your number," has become as common a question as, "Where do you go to school?" Depending on your audience, your number fluctuates. People worry that too high a number labels you a slut, while if it's too low you're considered a prude.
There's a theory out there that says when you ask a guy what his number is, you have to cut it by a third to get his "real number." Asking a girl? Multiply by three. All of this math seems a little ridiculous, but there is one thing that cannot be denied?people aren't honest about their number.
So, if for the most part, people aren't even telling the truth, why do we ask?
I talked with a few friends on campus about how they feel about their real number. They run the gamut from feeling embarrassed to empowered by it. One commented, "I think I am a slut because my number is high." Another mused, "My mom says that as long as you don't go into the double digits, you're not a slut."
What?!? Does sleeping with a certain number of people make you a slut? There is certainly an assumption in society that your promiscuity is in direct proportion to how many people you've slept with. However, I think being a slut has more to do with how you conduct yourself in public than when you are behind closed doors.
Another girlfriend of mine, always concerned with keeping her number low, has been known to resort back to previous lovers to keep her number down. Some friends have even stayed in unsatisfying relationships all in the name of their number!
Others could care less about their number. One girlfriend says she feels empowered by how many people she has slept with, as does a guy friend. The more people she can add to her tally, the better. Another friend has simply stopped counting.
While having dinner in the dining hall one night, I overheard a conversation between two girls about a Bowdoin male whose number was rumored to be 30. After debating whether or not he was "dateable," both concluded it was best not to get involved with a guy who was most likely a "walking STD." After getting over the initial shock of this guy's supposed number, I was hit by an intense wave of nausea. Is Bowdoin so small that not even your number is kept private from relative strangers? I mean, his number was thrown out on the table without even the slightest thought of its potential consequences, and then he was promptly judged because of it. It has to be said though, when you're number has surpassed your age by more than 10, it seems doubtful that at a small school like Bowdoin it won't get around.
If I have gleaned anything from this small survey, it's this: Regardless of what our numbers mean, they are rising. If I had to guess, I would say our numbers are probably much higher than our parents' were at our age. Casual sex has become more and more prevalent from one generation to the next.
At the end of the day, the number that everyone loves to talk about is completely irrelevant. And it becomes even more meaningless if it's your significant other or sexual partner asking. What does it really matter? And more importantly, aren't there better questions to ask your partner? Just off the top of my head: Have you ever been tested for STDs? What kind of birth control do you use? What have you been taught about sex? Do you like it?
When it comes down to it, other than indicating if you've slept with a lot of different people, or not, your number is moot. It says nothing about you. The worst part about the number game is that people often assume the higher a person's number, the more sexually experienced they are. Most of the time, it seems people who have bedded many people are actually less experienced than those who have a significantly lower number but have been in long-term relationships. A string of one-night stands might up your number, but it's probably not going to do much in terms of "skills."
Numbers have never been a good way of characterizing a person, and I don't think they're going to start now. Just as the SAT is not a true indicator of your intelligence, neither is your number an indicator of sexual aptitude.
Ultimately, what you do with your number is your own decision. Brag about it, laugh about it, heck, make an excel spread sheet out of it?just don't take it too seriously. My advice to you? Next time someone asks you your number, take a page from Brittany Murphy's character in "Don't Say a Word:" never te-ell.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Lauren McGrath '07 is the Orient's new sex and romance columnist. She'll be taking a look at issues that aren't normally talked about at Bowdoin. Her conclusions are her own.