Defined by Facebook

Romancing with Riley: Long-distance can be a stretch

It's time to go back to school?back to below-freezing temperatures in the middle of April and your horrible roommate who "accidentally" peed on your desk chair at the end of last semester. While winter in Maine can be a difficult time in any Bowdoin student's year, it can be that much worse when you have to leave your significant other behind. Whether he's your high school sweetheart or you met her on your abroad program, that last kiss goodbye is never easy.

Romancing with Riley: The Bubble is not reality TV

Whenever my parents discover that I haven't heard about some "big" current event, such as, oh I don't know, quail hunts, or the fact that Elton John is gay, they blame it on "the Bowdoin Bubble." And of course I always roll my eyes and then promptly watch Headline News for the next 72 hours straight, trying to catch up on everything I missed while I was immersed in "Grey's Anatomy," "The Gauntlet II," and "That 70's Show" reruns. But what my parents don't seem to realize is that all that reality TV, all those vintage "Sex and the City" episodes, and certainly Doctor McDreamy, have taught me something very important about the Bowdoin Bubble: It really does exist. Though perhaps not in the way my parents think.

Romancing with Riley

This piece represents the opinion of the author:

February 17, 2006

Alright, fine. I'll admit it. Facebook defines my life. It tells me who I'm friends with, what my friends think about me, who I'm dating and who I have a crush on, what I like and dislike, and even what I look like when I'm not actively trying to look unattractive, as I am in every single picture I post of myself. And I would venture to guess that I am not the only one who feels this way, especially when it comes to relationships.

For instance, just the other night I asked a friend of mine if he and his girlfriend were still broken up. He gravely nodded his head and responded, "Yeah. Actually, I just made it Facebook-official." I gave him the tilted-head "oh, you poor thing" look. He gave me the "thanks, I appreciate the sympathy" shrug, and then we both hung our heads, embarrassed by the fact that we had just discussed a pull-down menu on a web site with a seriousness that only the most serious things in life warrant, such as future professional aspirations, or in what settings it is appropriate to wear a Class of '06 t-shirt.

And yet, during times of heartbreak, that relationship status question holds more weight than Biggie Smalls himself. At the end of my last relationship, I agonized over when to change my status from "In a Relationship" to...to what? It's Complicated? Single? No, I couldn't bear to let the whole world know I was a failure in love. I instead opted for the immediate switch to "no response." That way, I ripped the proverbial Band-Aid off quickly, with minimal pain on my end, without informing the entirety of the Bowdoin community that come second semester, I would take my place in the giant grind-fest that is the singles scene here on campus.

Of course, there are also those couples who draw out the whole break-up process. Sure, the relationship was over a month ago, and yes, you've hooked up with your computer science partner. But you just can't bring yourself to own up to the fact that as far as Facebook is concerned, you're still "In a Relationship" with Bobby Abroad Program. And then, one dark, stormy day, as you waste yet another 45 minutes coming up with a good Orange County quote to post on your roommate's wall, you see that Bobby has updated his profile. The picture is the same, his favorite movie is still Glitter, but his relationship status is unquestionably "Single." Your world stops turning, your heart pounds, and it takes all the strength you can muster to click on that "Edit Profile" button and show HIM a thing or two about who's single.

It's not just pesky pull-down menu that keeps us awake at night. What if, like me, you're prone to late Saturday night friending sprees? I cannot remember the last time I had a conversation longer than 10 minutes at a party and did not immediately run home and friend that person. The sheer embarrassment that racks my mind come Sunday morning is enough to make me swear off Facebook forever?or at least until my roommate has me log on so she can show me the "adorable" squash player she made out with the night before, who I of course just friended about eight hours earlier.

And then there are the new methods of communication that Facebook provides us. I, for one, am not a huge fan of Facebook messages, due to the fact that if Mikey Math Partner isn't quite as obsessed with the Facebook as you are, it could be agonizing days or even weeks before you get a response. As for the "poke," I think it's been done. Yes, it's funny, especially when you use the "Pulse" feature to see how many Bowdoin students have "poked each other" in the last 24 hours?the joke writes itself, really. But beyond that, all you can do is poke back, and then the joke is pretty much dead in the water.

I say, save your poking for more appropriate, bed-spread covered environments, and focus your energies on the wonderful world of wall posts. Flirt shamelessly, abuse movie quotes, make fun of someone's picture, but for the love of God, avoid posting anything that resembles a naked lady made out of "8" and "@" symbols. Please. It's not cool or creative or funny or interesting. It's just deeply saddening that somebody took the time to put such a thing together; however, I do find it mildly relieving that there is someone out there who is even more obsessed with Facebook than I am.

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