Smitty's and Gritty's

Your Weekend Starter with Carter: Rumor is true: Blonde ales have more fun

Buzzard's Bay Golden Ale?($7.99 for a six-pack, available at select Massachusetts retailers) Widely renowned as one of Cape Cod's best brewing companies, Buzzard's Bay does not disappoint with this American Blonde Ale, delivering a beer that tastes like it is half lager, half pale. It exudes a bright golden color, offering insight into the mysterious title: "Golden Ale."

Your Weekend Starter with Carter: Sweet and Sour beers from New England breweries

Sam Adams Cherry Wheat ?($7.49 at Warming's) Over the past five weeks, I attempted to do extensive research for this semester's column, sampling dozens of beers and vainly trying to remember what they tasted like the night before. Unfortunately, most of these beers were falsely classified as "Natural," "Best," or "Ice," leaving my palate feeling as awful as my headaches. Luckily, I was turned on to Sam Adams's fruity Cherry Wheat, an ale that packs in enough sweetness to rival a mild Smirnoff Ice or a strong summer lager.

Your Weekend Starter with Carter

This piece represents the opinion of the author:

Carter Thomas

Columnist

December 9, 2005

Smithwick's ($8.29 for a six-pack)

This beer was recommended by Bowdoin alum Dave Barker '76 who knows a good beer when he sees one. Referred to by native Irishmen as "Smidick's," this Irish Red Ale was introduced to the United States on St. Patrick's Day by the Guinness Brewing Company. It is indeed an incredible find, one of the smoothest beers I have come across in my beer drinking tenure. I would describe the texture as creamy with a malt-heavy flavor, as though traditional Guinness took two steps forward, two steps back, and then one step forward again toward the lager end of the beer spectrum. When poured, Smithwick's assumes a solid brown color, though a shade of red can be seen when the glass is held up to the light, much darker than traditional red ales and coloring commonly associated with the hair of much of the Irish population. Because of its recent inauguration in the United States, it is a bit difficult to track a six pack of this stuff down, but I highly recommend trying to do so, especially if you like Guinness or beer in general. My Scores: Taste: 4.0 Partyability: 3.7 (I hear people love this stuff at pub crawls on the other side of the pond) Benefit/Cost: 3.2.

Gritty McDuff's Christmas Ale ($7.49 for a six-pack, available at Hannaford)

This beer is awesome. Surprisingly, this brew is classified as an extra special/strong bitter beer, though I failed to taste any of the powerful bitterness the label would suggest. The most incredible thing about this beer is the multiplicity of flavors Gritty manages to pack into each gulp-a definite malt base, loads of different spices, a smooth sweetness (caramel maybe?), with a very, very subtle, bitter aftertaste. The color of this beer is a deep amber that could easily be misjudged for a brown if one didn't look closely or were colorblind. Unfortunately, this beer failed to include any sort of Christmas cheer in the packaging?I would really like to see Gritty step it up next year with some wrapping paper, candy canes, or eggnog sampler, just to name a few suggestions. This beer would be a terrific beverage to enjoy while mingling at the boring holiday parties we will all be going to this season, especially we seniors who are going to have to make up some story about what we are doing next year. Drink up, I say, and think about that fun stuff later. My Scores: Taste: 4.7 Partyability: 2.0 (college party) 4.0 (yuppie cocktail party) Benefit/Cost: 3.9

Mystery Brew at the Junior Senior Ball ($2.75 for a beer, available in the shady back corner of Thorne Dining Hall)

I am not sure what was in that keg, but it is hard for me to believe it was beer. After shelling out my hard earned money, I took a sip of the semi-cold beer and immediately cringed. "Wow," I thought. "This is awful." Not surprisingly, I began an investigation. My first course of action was to find out what kind of beer it was supposed to be by asking a few of my fellow drinking associates. "Budweiser!" a faint chirp in the back exclaimed. "Ahh, indeed...Budweiser gone awry," said a voice in the back of my head. I then shuffled to the side of the bar where the very bartender who had given me my beverage was situated. This is where things got interesting. "Excuse me," I said politely, "but could I have another beer? Mine seems to have gone bad." He gave me a puzzled look and quickly said, "No, we don't give refills." It was time to up the ante. "I realize that, but this beer is awful and I only had one sip," I continued. Now, obviously agitated, he barked, "The only reason you think it's bad is because it's Sam Adams, which is really good beer, probably better than what you are used to." I took a moment to digest this statement, thinking how best to respond with full and utmost courtesy while inflicting the most embarrassment possible. "My good sir," I began, "not only is that a bold faced lie, it is an insult to the Sam Adams Brewing Company. Unfortunately for you, I write a beer review every week whereby I taste and evaluate dozens of beers, none of which have ever tasted as foul as this one. I beg you to retract that statement and hope the beer Gods have mercy on your soul." This was compounded by a brilliant flank made by Mr. Spar Patton '06 who said, "Dude, this tastes like applesauce that was left in the sun for five days and then run through a juicer." After this went down, Spar and I gave each other high fives, remarked upon how awesome we are, and left the black hole of alcoholic misfortune that was Thorne Dining Hall.

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