I know your situation: you're a sophomore girl with a senior boyfriend who lives off-campus. He spent the five bucks to take you to the junior-senior ball, and you have nothing to wear (read: you really want to buy something new). There's no time for boutiques in the Old Port, and let's face it, the Maine Mall sucks. Your only reasonable option? Freeport, of course.
While Daddy's credit card is out of the wallet, you might as well let him take you and the girls you blocked with in Chamberlain (read: your freshman hall-mates that you don't even know why you ever liked) out to dinner. But where to go?
You could opt for Freeport's version of China Rose, but you've got loyalties.
Now you've passed through town, you're almost to the highway, and there it is: Crickets. "Fresh local seafood and much more." Couldn't be bad, right? Well, if you're not opposed to a wonderful night of vomiting, I suggest you stop in.
Driving into a parking lot full of pick-up trucks with Maine plates, you immediately see that Crickets is neither a tourist trap nor does it compete with the dining room at the Haraseeket. The interior is more reminiscent of a Mariott Inn restaurant, with a confused décor of Christmas lights, beer ads, and not-quite-Van Gogh sunflower paintings.
Though there are no beds upstairs, you might feel the need to book a room in town after a cocktail or two. Though the Tanqueray and tonics came slowly, they also came strong. The restaurant's full bar features a small selection of wines, a decent assortment of mid-range bottled beers, and three varieties of Geary's on tap for $3.95 a glass.
For appetizers, Crickets offers everything seafood: steamed mussels and clams, shrimp cocktails, seafood cakes, and, in accordance with what seems to be a state law, chowdah. The "much more" of the restaurant's slogan refers to Mexican cuisine with chili nachos and cheese quesadillas?no fear, you can add lobster to those as well.
The main menu has several choices from both land and sea. The meats (a decent herb-flavored duck, top sirloin, and the menu's over-promoted flat-iron steak) are all served with a vegetable and choice of starch. There are ordinary offerings of pasta and chicken dishes ranging in price from $9.95 to $18.95. For the roommate that would have rather gone to China Rose, Crickets comes through with an Oriental sesame chicken stir fry.
Scallops, shrimp, and haddock dominate the menu. All are available crumbed, deep-fried, and served with French fries and coleslaw. Sea scallops also come baked with a lemon and tarragon seasoning, and the haddock can be baked and/or stuffed.
The back of the menu lists a Bubba Gump-style catalog of lobster dishes. There's lobster stew, lobster roll, lobster salad, lobster melt, lobster club, sautéed lobster, lobster feast, lobster dinner...you get the point.
While my land-lubber companion enjoyed a salty cheese-encrusted onion soup and a decent duck dish with some slightly disappointing mashed potatoes, I opted to find out what this seafood was all about. After adding a serving of salt that couldn't have been good for my blood pressure, the clam chowder wasn't bad.
I followed with a similarly heavy and bland seafood fettuccine. Though the local shrimp, scallops, lobster, and mussels were all succulent, I couldn't help but wonder if it was only in relation to the flavorless yet still nauseating alfredo sauce that had me fleeing to the bathroom at the mention of dessert.
Crickets isn't the worst restaurant in the world, but I suggest you save yourself the gas money and not bother. It shouldn't be hard to find a comparably priced and comparably mediocre meal in Brunswick.
Oh, and just go ahead and re-wear that dress from last year's gala; nobody remembers.