Half a decade after the onslaught of mafia comedies, a few proud semi-successes are showing up on the scene. Their presence, however, is not appreciated.
Just as the sequel to Analyze This, the most widely acclaimed of the bunch, took a hit with critics who condemned the second film for repeating jokes and losing plot, The Whole Ten Yards follows suit.
The sequel begins two years after The Whole Nine Yards left off, with the two new couples losing some of their initial flame and running into marital woes. Former contract killer Jimmy Tudeski (Bruce Willis) brings new meaning to his nickname "The Tulip," as now, rather than leaving a flower beside his hit victims, he's more likely to be watering the ones in his front yard. His new wife Jill (Amanda Peet) is frustrated by the fact that Jimmy has gone soft. Having taken over his line of work, Jill needs his help in making her first real hit, as her targets always seem to die by accident before she can shoot them. Jimmy, however, cannot be bothered: he has a roast in the oven.
Jill calls on Oz (Matthew Perry), an old friend for whom she was a dental assistant, asking for advice about Jimmy. However, Oz has his own problems. Ever since the violent antics of the previous film, Oz has been on edge, to say the least, and has moved into a new house riddled with security gadgets. His new wife, Jimmy's ex Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge), is fed up with his constant paranoia.
Just as Jill and Oz secretly keep in contact, Cynthia and Jimmy complain about their spouses over the phone as friends, but also as cohorts. Despite the fact that the mafia world thinks that Jimmy is dead and his wife thinks he has become a psychotic homemaker, the Tulip is not completely out of the game.
As Cynthia tries to convince Oz that his fears are unfounded, they prove relevant when he returns home to find Lazlo Gogolak (Kevin Pollak) and his troupe of moronic hit men waiting for him in his living room.
Lazlo, the father of Janni Gogolak, Jimmy's rival whom he killed in the last film, is out of jail and determined to avenge his son's death. Lazlo has kidnapped Cynthia and is preparing to kill Oz, but a string of foibles on the part of Gogolak's goons allows him to get away.
Oz immediately runs to Jimmy and Jill's home, hidden away in Mexico, for help in rescuing Cynthia. When Lazlo and his gang show up there too, the three make a quick getaway and are chased up the coast, trying to find Cynthia and stay alive. Jimmy's irritability with Oz and constant bickering with Jill takes away from their ability to work as a team, and they find themselves in a series of close calls.
The plot is absurdly formulaic, especially considering that the first film's storyline was as well. However, what The Whole Nine Yards had in dark, quick-witted comedy is where The Whole Ten Yards falls even shorter. Though a few moments between Lazlo and his slow son Strabo (Frank Collison) offer quick laughs, Lazlo's frustration with his goons gets tiring fast. Similarly, the sight of Bruce Willis as the softened Jimmy, crying and wearing an apron, cannot carry the film. Oz's spastic behavior and frequent falling is not remotely funny. All of the characters, in fact, are annoyingly over-acted.
Though there are a few lines that are reminiscent of the quality of the first film, they get lost in the lack comic timing and in the context of the encompassing fluff. There can only be one thing said about a mafia comedy in which the funniest moments revolve around an old woman farting: bada bing bada BOMB.
Rating: 1.5 Polar Bears (of 4)