Myx Moscato and calamari is our summer diet

Bottom of the Barrel: Flaco Tempranillo 2014 serves as second-best option to Flamin’ Hot Cheetos

Rough estimates suggest that there is a great variety of wine available to a curious, of-age Bowdoin student. A quick trip to the Hannaford snack aisle to buy Flamin’ Hot Cheetos (which all seasoned Hannaford patrons know the store fails to stock), and one can see wines of all colors, prices and brands. This breadth of options, when paired with the shocking disappointment derived from a lack of red-powdered, spicy snacks is dizzying. The wrong purchase—a bad bottle of wine—can lead to a particularly sour night. Choose the right wine, however, and the evening’s proceedings can be magical.
It’s oft best to rely on the advice of others. Hell, even the Orient’s most seasoned wine-reviewers need help. This week, we looked to the wizened Somms of Hannaford’s Limited Reserve. Justin knew what to get the moment he saw it: The Flaco Tempranillo 2014. Doubly enticing were the wine’s association to hip-hop legend and pioneer, A$AP Rocky a.k.a. Lord FLACkO Jodye. Will was hooked as soon as he saw a cork.Before starting the tasting, we let the Tempranillo breathe for an hour. In the meantime, we prepared accordingly—decorating the table with a fresh ball of mozz and letting 1997 Diddy aerate the room.
The only way to describe the nose of this Spanish red is “boozy.” Red fruits dominate initial taste—a touch of spice. Will detects hints of dates and brown sugar. Thin mouthfeel, kinda light but not Natty Light. We want to drink this in a red velvet chair in a fur coat.
This wine is like a fake Rolex.
This wine makes you wish it was 10 degrees warmer.
This wine pairs well with fresh mozzarella.
This wine complains about taxes.
This wine thinks Dean Martin is better than Frankie.
This wine stays draped in Vines.
As with all research, it turned out as we set about writing our review that our esteemed predecessors at “Bottom of the Barrel,” Bryce Ervin ’15 and Brandon Oullette ’15 had already reviewed an earlier vintage of this wine on September 12, 2014. In their words: “This wine would be excellent if you wanted boxed-wine quality at a bottle-wine price.” It appears we drank a very different wine.
Highly recommend you snag the pretty Flaco while it’s around. Highly recommend you write positive things in the online comments of this article.
Additional Notes:
Tonight's Soundtrack: "No Way Out" by Puff Dadd & the Family (1997).
Justin: "Anytime I drink red wine I would rather be wearing a khaki linen suit."
Will: "I'm strictly trying to cop those colassal sized Picasso's."
Nose: 3 out of 5 stars
Body: 1 out of 5 stars
Taste: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Overall: 3 out of 5 stars

Bottom of the Barrel: YOUnity incorporates local flavors in ‘Maine’s House Wine’

Have you ever noticed that Bowdoin College is in Maine?
The valleys of Bordeaux. The dusty shores of Portugal. Napa. Great wine often conjures up Mediterranean climates, small plated meals, big price tags. Cheap wine often aspires to Mediterranean climates and small plated meals through fancy looking labels and overly complex names. Buyers may grab a bottle thinking they will escape to a small village in the foothills of Vesuvius only to find themselves still very much in the foothills of suburban New Jersey.
Well, folks, guess what? We may have found a reasonably priced bottle that aspires not for the Old World, but for our dear old Pine Tree State.
Our selection this week, YOUnity Winery’s House Wine, is unabashedly Maine in it’s branding. In fact, there are nine references to the state of Maine on the label alone. The bottle’s description speaks of “wicked-good pasta” and “wicked-good times” with family and friends. YOUnity’s branding is unpretentious, fun and whimsical. Not to get ahead of ourselves, but the wine is awesome. The bottle is even more awesome. No irony here—merely appreciation for a charming, New England graphic.
Upon uncorking, the wine pours pinkish-red. Think back to the mushed blueberries on your face during the summer of your fifth year. That color. The nose is distinctly sweet. The legs longer than a NASCAR race.
The initial taste was semi-dry and distinctly sweet. Our mouths were initially confused; blueberry wine serves as a distinct tasting experience from more traditional grapes. You often hear of berry notes in wine, but this is a berry symphony. Owner Clem Blakney emphasizes, “This IS NOT a blend with grape but 100% Blueberry from our supplier in Stockton Springs.” Blueberries are really truly the prime fruit. It’s impossible to name something that isn’t improved by the addition of blueberries. Pancakes, salsa, motor oil.
This is an adult complex wine for non-wine drinkers and wine drinkers alike. It is complex without being biting. It’s sweet without being Pixie Stix. It’s certainly a more delightful conversation than any talk anyone has ever had with our mutual friend Allen. This wine makes you feel good, and we sincerely think it is more than just the hefty 13.5 percent ABV.
Additional Notes:
Tonight's Soundtrack: John Cougar Mellencamp's Greatest Hits
Justin: "I feel like this wine is giving me a hug."
Will: "While drinking this wine, I really wish I were back home, scouring my old man's closet for some ratty Brooks Bros. polos."
Nose: 3/5
Legs: 5/5
Mouthfeel: 3/5
Taste: 4/5
Overall: 4/5

Bottom of the Barrel

Myx Moscato and calamari is our summer diet

This piece represents the opinion of the authors:

October 14, 2016

The hip-hop hot takes expressed in this column do not reflect the opinions of the Bowdoin Orient or Bowdoin College. However, hopefully, they do coincidentally coincide with those of President Clayton Rose.

Hip-hop and grapes are inexorably linked. Rappers have been discussing wine in their tracks for decades—from Drake’s tweet on October 1, 2012: “Dropped my phone in a glass of wine…just to give you an idea of where my life is at these days,”—to Drake’s line from 2013’s Pound Cake/Paris Morton Music 2: “Afterhours at Il Mulino/Or Sotto Sotto, just talkin’ women and vino.” Heck, rappers (one in particular, it seems) even cite their love of wine in print publications. Take Claire Hoffman’s April 2012 profile on Drake for GQ Magazine as a prime example: “At the ready are a bottle of chilled white wine and a pitcher of ice, for tonight we shall drink wine spritzers, his favorite beverage and also mine.”

Your intrepid columnists do indeed love wine. They also do indeed love hip-hop. Therefore, it is not without coincidence that the wine that they choose to review this week is doubly inexorably linked to hip-hop. Myx Moscato is Nicki Minaj’s wine. She raps about it. She appears in advertisements for it. She co-owns the company that produces it. The wine does not come packaged in a traditional, 750-milliliter wine bottle. Rather, it is sold as a four-pack of 11.2-ounce, capped bottles. Stylized like a curvier, sleeker bottle of Bud Light Platinum, complete with twist-off bottle cap, Myx Moscato promises to be a treat. This was not a wine selected on a whim. This was a wine pursued.

Poured into a standard 18-ounce wine glass, Myx Moscato is clear and lightly effervescent. It looks like water and smells like sugar water. Butterflies would try and drink Myx Moscato if you placed an open bottle in a meadow. Justin immediately thought of his summer evenings spent at the esteemed NYC institution, La Marina. Myx Moscato tastes like fruit juice, perhaps because it is wine mixed quite literally with fruit juice. Myx Moscato will—full guarantee—be the only moscato that these two wine reviewers will ever consume on nightclub couches. Myx Moscato is smooth. Myx Moscato is tasty. Myx Moscato comes in four small bottles. This is pretty cool. Porsche Panameras have four doors. This is pretty cool.

Perhaps our only complaint is that Myx Moscato does not come in a larger bottle. The size of the Myx Moscato bottle prevents it from being shared with friends at table. Myx Moscato is worth purchasing. Myx Moscato is worth bragging about purchasing.

Additional Notes:

Tonight's Soundtrack: "Truffle Butter" (2014) by Nicki Minaj feat. Drake and Lil Wayne (as if it could be anything else)

Justin: "This is a Socratic wine."

Will: "This is a moscato that would inspire me to write favorable comments on this column's online edition."

Nose: 0/5

Legs: 0/5

Body: 0/5

Taste: 0/5

Overall: 6/5

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