Your Ivies horoscope

Doublethink: When our bodies force us to stop

Sometimes it feels like everyone at Bowdoin is slightly under the weather. Maybe it’s something about the vaguely sticky chairs in the Union or snagging bites of vegan sin city off our sneezing friend’s plates. We tend to collectively hover at a level of not-quite-healthy-but-still-functional. Both of our Jewish mothers would be appalled at the volume of sniffles and coughs in the classroom.
We have both fallen below the functional threshold in the past year. Last week, Carly went on brain rest for a concussion she got playing frisbee. Last semester, Tessa was bedridden for two weeks with a nasty case of mono. Both of us were rendered useless for solid chunks of time.At first, being really sick at Bowdoin can feel like playing school-sponsored hooky. Our professors tell us to rest! To not worry about upcoming assignments! We got to experience Bowdoin with the veil of responsibilities magically lifted off of us. In those first moments of uninhibited lounging, it was all Otter Pops and David Sedaris audiobooks. The world transformed into a cozy, if a bit foggy, luxury.
But the fog settled in real quick. What started as a fun break from reality soon became long hours in our dimly lit rooms, feeling awkward about asking our friends to bring us nourishment and missing our aforementioned mommies. We got lonely. We got frustrated. We were mad at our bodies for not letting us participate.
Having a concussion, having mono, having anything that keeps us away from day-to-day life for a sustained time, takes a mental toll. We could deal with being lonely—an en masse text announcing “open office hours” and bricking our doors would remedy our woes. We could deal with being frustrated—we’re both lucky enough to have emotional outlets to help calm us down. To an extent, we could deal with being mad at our bodies because deep down we trust modern medicine enough to intellectually justify rest. The barb that snagged us was not being able to think. Not remembering, not making connections, not tracking conversation as we normally could was entirely destabilizing. Losing our cognitive ability made us feel inhuman. Our normal process for understanding the world was slowed down, put on hold.
It’s easy as college students to believe that our bodies are infallible. We’re constantly able to push our physical limits—we stay up late, party hard, wake up the next day to write a paper. And so on. Being sick, like we were, is a rude awakening. It reminds us that our bodies can betray us, and that’s terrifying.
In our darkest hours, the two of us were convinced that we would never heal. Against all odds, sleep, vitamins, fuzzy blankets and time returned us to our normal selves. Being incapacitated also provided space for our friends to show how they care for us. We each felt the Bowdoin community stepping in, coming to us when we were not able to engage. And we got better.

Doublethink

This piece represents the opinion of the authors:

April 28, 2016

In this, our last column of the year, we tinkered with the idea of writing something sentimental: something about the ephemerality of transitions, and how this temporal space affords us pause to feel our feelings. But then, Tessa got snubbed by Polaris, Carly got the stomach flu and it snowed. So we decided to go in a different direction.

Looking forward to the weekend that is sure to be our Bowdoin social peak (fingers crossed), we couldn’t take any chances. We turned to the hard sciences for guidance. Respected for millennia by ancient Mesopotamians, Shakespeare and Neil DeGrasse Tyson alike, our choice was clear.

Astrology. We raked through the Bowdoin archives and found pages of zodiac forecasts dating back to 1865, the year our fine Ivies tradition commenced. Just as the Ancient Mayans predicted the world’s end in 2012, so too does this Star Chart provide promising insights into Ivies 2016.

Read your own, read them all. We humbly report: Ivies Horoscopes.

Aries (March 21-April 19)
In the event that a travelling performer who abstains from milk of cow appears on campus, heed his call to “Go Hard in the MotherF***ing Paint.” As the sun in the sky sets, the sun beneath your feet will appear to enliven your dancing spirit.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
The gravitational pull of powerful Pluto will find you unexpected romance. Ivies Bae could be for now or could be forever, but beware the Winds of Finality blowing from the East: they could strain this cosmic pairing.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
While passion might tickle the pink cheeks of Taurus, beware, Gemini! Venus is setting for you this week. Instead of falling in love, you are likely to fall into the beckoning arms of Somnus, keeper of sleep. Be sure not to nap in an unseasonable snow bank.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Searching of sustenance in the form of cylindrical meat products, venture to the land beyond the graves. Neptune will kindly cast an umbra to guide your path.

Leo (July 23-August 22)
Jupiter’s moons stumble out of alignment for you, Leo. You have spent weeks agonizing over the perfect Brunswick Quad ensemble, yet alas! Best laid plans run amok. Embrace your zodiac lion heart and rally.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Congratulations, Virgo! Juno, queen of the gods, will spot you losing steam from her perch on a passing asteroid and leave you a gift. One bottle of Andre will hold her Elixir of Stamina for you and you alone--your only challenge is to find it.

Libra (September 23-October 22)
Allow the balance inherent to your star sign guide you over the course of this emotionally fraught weekend. Step on glass and make a friend. Shed a tear and have a laugh. Everything that goes in, must come out again. This you know.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
Lillith, the most powerful energy vortex in the Sun-Earth-Moon system, will cause illusions to your vision. Scorpio, you may believe that a tiny Danish hipster sings before you, but have the strength to resist this trickiness.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
In a shocking twist of fate brought on by mischievous Mercury, your elders decide to pop in for a surprise visit this weekend. Be sure to remind them that you are not only studious, but fun.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
Lucky Capricorn will discover an inestimable boon! The convergence of shooting stars in your sign will drop a fanny pack filled with snacks on your doorstep. Be grateful, be decisive.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
Aquarius, while under the spell of solstice, your hubris gets the better of you. You commit a bit too hard to dancing during the guttural Earthsound musical festivities. By moonlight, take care of yourself.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)
The ever-present swirling of the planets becomes too much for the muddled Pisces. In attempt to keep up with concentric rotations of the Earth and of the party, you will accidentally perform a séance. Fortunately, the ghosts of Donald B. MacMillan and Thomas B. Reed are in high spirits. Offer them a drink and enjoy the weekend.

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