College houses and chambo singles; the dos and don’ts of housing

Katherine gives advice: Breaking up and finding the best places to cry

Hello, precious readers! Sad one today. “Dear Katherine,
I love my girlfriend, but I am not in love with her, and I don’t see our relationship progressing any further. Should I end the relationship and risk severing ties with the person I consider to be my best friend?
Sincerely, Out-of-love in Osher”
Dear Out-of-love,
That, my friend, is a toughie.
Relationships (particularly long ones) go through ups and downs, ins and outs. Sometimes one or the other partner might become a little disillusioned, but often you fall right back in love again quickly. In the case of a simple rough patch or a bout of boredom, I would prescribe patience, a few creative dates and a heart-to-heart.
But, if you’re really sure that you aren’t in love anymore and could not or do not want to be, it’s likely that no amount of couple time will change how you feel. At ages 18-21, I think that means it’s time to end things. And in that case, I’m honestly a little out of my depths.
I’m entirely unqualified to give advice about breaking up.* I have never had a relationship end smoothly (frequent readers, you will perhaps remember a certain incident involving Uggs), and for that I have always been at least partially to blame. I have many times strived for the most coveted iteration of the breaking up, which is the Paltrow-Martin style, we’re-going-to-each-other’s-weddings conscious uncoupling, and I have always, always failed.
Maybe, though, I can share a few thoughts. And I can definitely tell you the best crying spots on campus, just in case you need them.
A list of things to consider before initiating a break up in your situation:
1. Remember that you have a right to your own emotional response. Breaking up is hard. Even if you are no longer in love with your girlfriend, and even if you know that you’re making the right choice, you might still be sad. You probably will be! She is, as you said, your best friend, and someone you love. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not allowed to feel pain because you initiated the break up.
2. Likewise, respect your girlfriend’s emotional space. Know that, as much as you might want to stay friends with your ex, it might not work out for any number of reasons.
3. Do not break up with your girlfriend with the intention of getting back together, or with the expectation that that will be an option. Maybe it will happen, but don’t bank on it. If you bank on it, you will end up crying in the Union.
4. Anticipate changes of habits. Know that a lot of the music you like will be ruined. Did you listen to a cool, hip band with them before? Too bad. It’s ruined now. Do you never sleep alone? Too bad. You better shop for a body pillow. They have these nice ones with arms and oxford shirts now, get one of those. How do I know? Well I have one.
And as promised, my ranked list of the best crying spots on campus:
1. The Meditation Room in Buck—those purple cushions are covered in my tears. 2. The Gender Neutral Bathroom in Smith Union—so much space for weeping. 3. The Upstairs couches in Smith Union—such that everyone is forced to witness your pain. 4. The Glow in the Dark Rock Room—so you think about how many happy couples have hooked up there and sob. 5. The Vault in Mass Hall—so you can lock up your feelings afterward and never revisit them.
Good luck.
Out,Katherine

Katherine gives advice: Surviving Ivies Brunswick Quad day

Dear Katherine,I am a first year, and I’m so excited for Ivies! What is Brunswick Quad though…?Sincerely,Excited in Edwards Dear Excited,Ah, Ivies. The perennial celebration of spring, music and the incredible force of the human will to overcome obstacles. (By obstacles, I mean hangovers.)
You have asked the age-old question. You’re in good company. Philosophers for centuries have mused on this inquiry: Plato, Nietzsche, that guy in our political theory class. “What is Brunswick Quad?” they ask, staring up at the heavens and, in their state of distraction, losing a game of slap cup.
I have actually only attended one Ivies so far. This is my biggest failing. So I am bringing in a guest co-writer to help me out: Ivies Goddess Jillian Burk.* Jillian hails from the great state of Canada, where it’s a national pastime to drink until you can’t feel the cold—a key skill if you want to rock an Ivies sundress. For the rest of this column, we will be writing our collective opinion in the first-person plural.
Ah, youth. We’re so excited for you to become Ivies aficionados like ourselves (read: like Jillian). We have a definitive answer to your inquiry. Brunswick Quad is like a family reunion, except everyone is as drunk as your one crazy aunt and you can make out with people without them being your cousin. It’s an outside darty where for a few sweet hours, we all pretend we go to a party school by playing beer pong in the dirt, generating tornadoes of trash and wearing crop tops that we should have thrown away after senior year of high school.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, as an added bonus, we’re going to impart some of our Ivies wisdom onto you. Here are some handy tips to survive the Friday afternoon darty that is Brunswick Quad:
1) Make sure you either a) befriend someone who lives in a Brunswick apartment or b) get really good at sneaking into slightly ajar doors. At some point you are going to need to pee. (There are also porta-potties, but we’re above that.)
2) Wear something identifiable in case you get separated from your friends. For instance, a grape costume or a scuba suit or nothing.
3) No napping. Not yet. Not until you’ve drank every last drop. Napping is admitting defeat. Napping is like lying down and sleeping 13 miles into a marathon. Napping is like kissing your cousin. It’s just wrong.
4) Try not to destroy things like college property or relationships or your liver.
5) Eat beforehand. Your body will thank you later. Just kidding. Your body won’t thank you for any of this.
6) Choose your drink wisely. Starting out too strong or not adequately planning ahead can ruin your afternoon.** No cream-based liqueurs for the love of God. Avoid alcohols that make you sleepy (see rule 3). Like wine. Or Nyquil.
7) Be careful where you leave your things. Do not give them to friendly strangers. Do not stash them in sneaky place. You will never find them again; they will be lost to the graveyard of solo cups and dignities.
8) Remember, people can see into the windows of the apartments. If you choose to hook up in a Brunswick room, please consider putting down the blinds.
9) Do not go on slip-and-slides if you ever want to see your nipples again.Just remember: Ivies is a marathon, not a sprint. And God knows, this is the only kind of marathon we’ll ever run.
Out,Katherine and Jillian*Jillian is on Peer Health and does not endorse binge drinking. Katherine has no comment.**Again, Jillian is on Peer Health.

Katherine gives advice

College houses and chambo singles; the dos and don’ts of housing

This piece represents the opinion of the author:

Katherine Churchill

Columnist

April 8, 2016

Dear Katherine,
I'm having trouble trying to figure out where/with/who I want to live with next year... so please give me some advice/your thoughts!
Sincerely,
Dislocated in Druck

Dear Dislocated,

Picking the right housing and roommates depends, I think, on a certain level of self-awareness. Are you messy or neat? Do you need access to a kitchen? Can you live alone? Can you live with other people? Do you like to be surrounded by people or a little more removed? Do you want to throw parties?

You could probably make an amazing BuzzFeed type quiz out of these questions to give you a personalized response. Unfortunately, I am trying to write my honors project, and I don’t have time for that. So instead, here are my concrete, unbending, blanket opinions on housing, which are almost certainly not universally applicable:

1. Do not live in a Chambo single.
Once I lived in a Chambo single for a week because of Ebola. (It’s a long story.) I cried every night and usually in the morning if I had time. Thankfully, my friend Ally left her semester abroad in Ghana because of cholera (it’s a long story) and came to live with me in my new Chambo double. Then it was better.

2. If you are a sophomore and you think there is any chance you want to live in a social house, APPLY TO LIVE IN A SOCIAL HOUSE.

Yes, the house will always smell like stale beer. Yes, you will sit through house meetings. And yes, living in Mac was one of the best decisions I made at Bowdoin. I realize that the time for applying for houses this year has past. But like Nietzsche, I am untimely.

3. Who you live with is more important than where you live.
(“True,” say my roommates, who are also some of my best friends.) To quote the fireplace of Ladd House: “The ornament of the house is the friend who frequents it.” But also, even if you don’t live with your friends, try to live with people you think you might be compatible with, people you are excited to get to know. So like, not your enemies.

4. Don’t screw over your friends. Like, don’t get yourself into living situations that will make you unhappy. But also don’t be a jerk or do anything sneaky and underhanded. If you do, your friends will forever remember you as sneaky and underhanded.

Good luck making your housing choices!

Out,
Katherine

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