Put yourself in the Union at 10 on a Tuesday morning. How many people do you make meaningful eye contact with as you walk up the stairs? As you’re waiting in line for your coffee, are you smiling? Waving? Bantering? Staring at your phone avoiding these social interactions? Are you running through your to-do list for the day? Are you taking stock of your body? Is any of this conscious?

All of the labor that goes into moving about the world at Bowdoin amounts to a pressure to always “be on” here. Being on means everything but down time, everything but being alone, everything but being off. There is always another person to talk to and party to go to and new friend to make. We’re tempted by the fantasy of never needing to sleep, of reclaiming the six to eight lost hours imbued with possibility. Being on is about living in a community where we are constantly presenting ourselves to each other. That presentation is an active process. Our social worlds here are relentless.

So we had an idea: what would happen if we tried to quantify our social interactions? Coming off of five weeks of hanging out at home, going long stretches of only talking to our moms, the constant barrage of Bowdoin Hellos was a shock to our systems. Amidst our February woes, the contrast between home life and Bowdoin life felt particularly pronounced. Our goal in keeping track of the Bowdoin social web was to figure out the scale we deal with. We decided to log our social interactions with the highly scientific method of scribbling tallies on folded papers. Cut to: Tessa newly craving a pocket protector for her denim button-down. We used four categories: hellos to strangers, acquaintances and friends, with longer conversations in a bracket of their own. Cut to: us disrupting normal human contact with the slick interjection, “Shit, I need to record this.”

We anticipated the hubs of first floor H-L and the Moulton Light Room. But we discovered that our social realms expanded to almost everywhere. Carly went on a run through town and racked up four hellos to Bowdoin acquaintances and two to friends. Tessa found the Union bathroom to be a real hotspot for conversation. Even in places where we expected to be alone, there were people. We felt compelled to talk to these people—even the ones we didn’t know. 
Our arbitrary distinctions between stranger, acquaintance and friend made us consider how in no other setting are these boundaries so blurred. What constitutes a friend? Someone whose phone number we have? That we pause to talk to? A Facebook friend? These questions came to light as we struggled to categorize the people in our lives. It felt weird. It felt weird to explain our tallies to people. It feels weird to acknowledge it now. 

We planned to do this for a week. We failed miserably. Two days of data that would never pass an Institutional Review Board left us wiped out. We felt exhausted for a couple reasons: the mental task of remembering to do something that’s entirely unnatural proved taxing. And while looking at our tallies at the ends of these days, we were astounded by the volume of interactions we had. Overall, Bowdoin Hellos won, but longer conversations had more than any discrete category. It was striking to see the emotional labor of a single day at Bowdoin laid out tangibly in front of us. 

Reality check: our assertion is not that we’re Regina George, basking in our own popularity. Though we realize it’s not universal, we believe that ceaseless social interaction is a shared feature of Bowdoin life for many students here. That’s why we talk about FOMO all the time—it wouldn’t be so prominent in our discourse if we didn’t have the precedent of constant connection. Sometimes we feel that we can take on our social worlds here, and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes they’re really daunting. Yet when we extract ourselves from the web, we often feel compelled to justify our decision. “I didn’t go to x party because a) I had some shit to get done, b) I’m sick, or the intentionally vague, c) I needed to self-care.” Very rarely: “I was doing nothing.” Almost never: “I didn’t want to.”

So we fear being off, missing out, not looking like we’ve got it all together. But Bowdoin is a more forgiving place than we give it credit for being. Don’t we spend so much time talking to people that we don’t really know? Doesn’t this speak to a level of warmth and openness in our community? Quantifying our interactions also made us aware of their quality. And although the amount of our interactions startled us, the overall substance of them reminded us that we’re surrounded by special people here. We think that no one is really, truly going to judge us harshly for opting out of the web. We’re allowed to extract ourselves, to take breaks. We can trust that the interactions we do have are valuable without constantly focusing on the ones we’re not having. 

Put yourself in the Union, or in the library, or at Cold War, or wherever you are right now. Is it where you want to be?