There is an assumption of satisfaction at Bowdoin College. When you are constantly rated as some of the happiest college students in the United States, you are expected to be happy. When the dining hall is the best in the country, when there are Bowdoin “hellos” and “how are you’s” and you have a cuddly administration, you are expected to be happy.

Not just happy, but satisfied. And if you are not satisfied, you are spoiled. You are asking for too much. You need to relax. Get off campus. Just have fun! These are the best four years of your life, why can’t you just appreciate them? A lot of people would kill to be in your place.

That’s just my problem. A lot of people would kill to be in my place. And if anyone is the poster child of gratitude, it should be me. I am the daughter of an immigrant, a woman of color, the first person in my entire family to attend a four-year college and a recipient of generous financial aid. Like most of my classmates, I also worked really hard to get here. But a lot of people work hard to try to get here or somewhere like here and they don’t even come close.

And their absence furthers the existence of places like Bowdoin. Without our brand of selectivity, would this place be as wealthy and prestigious? Who is left out of private, elite education? And what do we miss because they are not here? Amenities do not make up for their absence. Maybe at first, when my major obstacle was homesickness, comfort was comforting. There was comfort in the form of ice cream sundaes, overwhelming friendliness and an endless stream of orientation events. There was comfort in the idea of a bubble of safety.

Now this comfort is what makes me uncomfortable. As graduation approaches, I think about what it means to have a Bowdoin education. My most treasured gift from this education is my “sociological imagination:” the awareness of the connection between my personal experience and societal issues. The paradox is that this gift is what has alienated me from Bowdoin College—my education has heightened my critical gaze. Yet whenever I put this critical gaze to use, I am inevitably told to cool down.

I have grievances because I know Bowdoin is a real place that can play a real role in real change—not because I don’t know how to have fun or how to relax. I pride myself on knowing how to do both very well. I believe happiness and criticism can coexist. I will not go into explaining these grievances, but I will list a few for the sake of clarity. I don’t support the recruitment of athletes, I am concerned by the lack of student-led, administration free social activism, the weak ties between the Brunswick community and Bowdoin students, and the continuous denial of racism on campus (not cultural appropriation or political incorrectness, but racism).

I understand these are controversial points of view, but I can promise you I have spent a lot of time thinking about them. That is why it upsets me that grievances on campuses are so often met with thoughtless remarks along the lines of telling me to be appreciative or considerate.

This is my response. I show my appreciation through my critical gaze. I believe that if Bowdoin takes certain stances and changes, it will be a better place for those who were not groomed to become Bowdoin students. I care about that community. I am not concerned with showing an unnecessary sensitivity towards the segment of the Bowdoin community who has had a comfortable life and has an investment in continuing that comfort at Bowdoin and beyond.

Comfort with the status quo is an acceptance of structural inequalities that I will not avoid critiquing, especially not for the sake of someone’s comfort. Denying the validity of a critique is the denial of an experience, and that is a form of silencing.

When I think about how lucky I am to have this education, I don’t think to silence myself. I think about those who aren’t lucky enough to be here, and what their experience would be like on this campus. I am critical because this institution wasn’t built for someone like me. And very often, those who silence critique were born to go here.