Henry Abbott

We’ve all thought at some point in our lives, “Well, that was awkward.” That’s a thought that’s crossed my mind quite often in the year and a half I’ve been at Bowdoin. But instead of giving in to the temptation to crawl under a cubicle in Hatch basement and sink deeper into that uncomfortable feeling of internal cringe, I’ve come to realize something: I kind of love it.

Awkward pauses, awkward eye contact, awkward small talk—you name it. And as I thought more and more about the awkward moments I’ve experienced or gotten second-hand embarrassment from, I realized that Bowdoin, or any small campus really, is a breeding ground for awkward moments. From avoiding eye contact with your marriage pact to the deafening silence after dropping your plate in the middle of Thorne to awkwardly posing for a photo with Randy during Ivies Weekend, Bowdoin thrives on its tight-knit community, and as a result, on the inevitable awkwardness that comes with being in the same spaces with the same people on a daily basis.

So, naturally, you’ll find yourself navigating these moments more often than you’d like. But what better way to feel less alone in what may seem like an isolating experience than to hear about how there is truly no unique experience? That thought led me to write this column: to help you realize you’re not all that special … in a good way! Each week, I’ll dive into a new sphere of awkwardness at Bowdoin. Take a moment to digest this snippet covering dining hall culture this week, for example:

Question addressed to dining staff employee and SuperSnack OneCard swiper Cindy Williams:

“Can you remember a moment where you experienced an incredible amount of second-hand embarrassment?”

Answer: “I once had a gentleman come up to me and ask me out with his girlfriend standing right there. Keep in mind, I also had a ring on my finger.”

Question addressed to a plate-dropper: “How did the silence feel after your plate full of food crashed to the ground?”

Answer: “The silence was bearable—hard, but bearable. What’s worse was the random clapping that followed.”

Question addressed to student who ended up on the security report: “What was the most awkward part of your conversation with the dean after being caught on the security cameras for stealing a light ornament from Supers?”

Answer: “Honestly it wasn’t the conversation with the dean that ended up being awkward—that was more of a ‘get-to-know-you’ meeting. What was awkward was having to walk to Supers Thursday night to return the light to the staff member it belonged to, apologizing profusely for taking advantage of her kindness and then her asking me for a hug. Awkward, but sweet.”

Now, you might be thinking, “Well what do we do about it? How do we fight the urge to run away and instead pause to embrace the discomfort in a nice, warm hug?” The answer, as counterintuitive as it may seem, is small talk!

Sure, sometimes it feels like you’re just exchanging meaningless pleasantries, but let’s face it—small talk is a necessary evil. It gets the conversation going, eases the unspoken tension held in eye contact and silences and gives us a few inconsequential seconds to get to know each other.

And here’s the trick: Small talk doesn’t have to be boring. In fact, it’s a great opportunity to throw some crazy ice-breaker out there and watch any chance you had of being friends with that person go up in flames.… I’m kidding, of course.

I’ll leave you with this question to ask people if you want to break the ice: If your friend was listening to the news 20 years down the road and heard the news reporter announce a criminal headline, what headline would it be that would make them instantly think of you? Not only does this immediately establish a fun and slightly uncomfortable tone between you and said stranger, but it gives them time to do some critical self-reflection and really think about what criminal they’re cut out to be.

Stay tuned for the next column where we’ll take you down into one of the beloved College House basements and have a crazy loud and fun time. This party’s just getting star—wait, what was that? The speakers cut out … again? Cue the awkward silence.