Juan Chang

In this column, we are investigating ways to manage fears. This week, we spoke with Janie Porche, Bowdoin’s Creative Director, about how she “microdoses” fears. But not all Porche’s fears can be microdosed: Porche also shared with us a fear that she has less control over and how she manages it.

Public speaking is a fear for a lot of people, but Porche says, “bring it on.” She is eager to take on the challenge and take to the stage for large public audiences. Now, she is pushing herself further by taking a stand-up comedy class. She was long afraid of flying, so she decided to take flight lessons at the Brunswick Airport. She faces these fears because she can.

“Some fears have options for exercising them,” Porche said. “It is possible to take drum lessons. It is possible to sing karaoke. It is possible to go scuba diving. Those are accessible points of confronting the fear…. If you have a fear that has an available access point that is relatively safe and controlled, jump on that one because the other ones are much more amorphous, and they don’t have quick exposure.”

Porche called this exercise of confronting manageable fears “microdosing” fears. Her hope is that facing the small, accessible fears will make her more courageous overall and more able to face the next scary thing that comes her way. Her metaphor of “microdosing” fears is based on the idea that something which may be harmful in a large volume can be beneficial when we only take on a small amount. For example, Porche said there is a cough remedy that has a tiny amount of a naturally occuring paralyzing agent in it, made from Drosera rotundifolia, which is a carnivorous plant. In very small amounts, the antispasmodic is safe to take and has effects which can suppress a bad cough just enough to allow for a good night’s sleep. But not all of Porche’s fears can be microdosed.

When first asked if she had any fears, Porche said she feared developing a degenerative brain disease.

“This sounds morbid, but … each of my grandmothers battled a different one of those, and I have this sort of underlying terror that my body will outlive my brain,” she said.

It’s not a fear she thinks about often, but when she does, it is frightening. For Porche, this is not a fear to be “faced,” like public speaking or flying.

“Great, face your fears,” Porche said. “[But] I am not doing the 23andMe test about my brain. There’s a part of me that can’t face that core fear.”

Instead, she channels her fear in another, more productive direction.

“[The fear of neurodegeneration] has turned into a fear of stagnation, a fear of complacency,” Porche said, “I don’t want to stop learning things. It’s hard to actually relax. Sometimes I’m doing new things because I enjoy them, but other times I am just working on my noodle.”

In comparison, Porche says, the accessible fears, like public speaking, become less scary.

“Because I have that smaller fear, that I can picture and that I’ve lived with, it makes other things less frightening,” Porche said.

In this way, one fear can make another more manageable. One fear might decrease in salience by the presence of another fear, but Porche recognized fear in some form will always be a part of us. Our fear, Porche reminded us, is here to stay, like the Inside Out character inside our brains.

Porche recognizes that fears are not always things to be tackled. Some fears are very useful. They can stop us from making decisions that harm us. However, sometimes our fear only causes us to worry about things we can’t control.

“The ability of our brains to be our own enemies is unparalleled,” Porche said.

The difference for Porche is whether we allow our fears to take control of us.

“[There is] a fear that you can observe, and then there’s a fear that overtakes you,” Porche said. “And if you’re able to observe the fear as this outside force, then it can impact you, but you’re not swallowed by it.”

Our conversation with Porche reminded us that, although feelings of fear are inevitable and will be lifelong, how we respond to our fears is in our control. Porche chose not to use 23andMe, because she felt it would not be helpful to dwell on things she cannot control. On the other hand, she chose to take on flight lessons and stand-up comedy lessons, because she believed those would make her stronger. She distinguished between fears not to dwell on and fears to microdose.

Porche invites students to think about ways to microdose their own fears, and she’d like to cheer for you at an open mic soon.