As many of you know, there have been a series of phone scams going around that try to get your social security information. Yes, these people are the pirates of the modern age. But they can be your friend too! It may be hard to get a conversation started, but don’t worry! Try to find some common interests. They will probably ask you for your Social Security number (SSN), but this is the PERFECT opportunity to put the ball in their court. Ask them what their Social Security number is. That will show them that you are actively listening to them and will make them more open to talking to you. If they ask for your SSN again, DO NOT give it to them. Maintaining a little mystery always makes every new friendship just a bit more fun! Another icebreaker that makes sense nowadays is sharing your quarantine hobbies. EVERYONE has thought about making sourdough or cross-stitching at one point, so go ahead and explain these hobbies to your soon-to-be friend. The more in depth, the better. Be aware, they may keep trying to bring the conversation back to your SSN. Although this may make them seem one-dimensional, have faith that these are dynamic, ambitious individuals! The less YOU talk about your SSN, the more it promotes other topics that might be of interest to you both. This may take a little persistence (and a lot of patience!), but don’t you worry, it will be worth it in the end. Not only will you have made a new friend, but you will also have wasted 45 minutes of a scammer’s time, possibly preventing multiple frauds in the process. And if by that time you are not friends, don’t worry! Just email one of Bowdoin’s 1,000,000 deans, and someone should get back to you shortly about being your new friend.

Thanks for reading, and stay safe out there!

(Disclaimer: scams are a legitimate problem, and if you get a call like this, don’t tell these a-holes anything. Especially not your Social Security info. They deserve to be friendless and live a lonely existence.)

And now for the weekly soup review:

Rosh Hashanah Chickpea Soup: This soup honestly had more Indian flavors than anything else. Not sure of its relation to the High Holidays, but we need some more multicultural experiences around here anyway. 9/10

Buffalo Chicken Soup: Tasty, but a little suspicious that it was served on the same day as the Buffalo Chicken Salad, Buffalo Chicken Sandwich and Buffalo Chicken Ice Cream Bar. 7/10

Armenian Lentil and Apricot Soup: This sh*t slapped. 10/10

Chicken and Rice Soup: Each spoonful evoked a childhood memory of being sick and bundled up in a blanket in front of the TV. Magical. 8/10

Soup of the Day: This soup was a good soup. It was soup-flavored. Pretty much looked like soup, too. 5/10

New England Fish Chowder: This is called “The Weekly SOUP Review” for a reason. Go find your chowder reviews somewhere else.

Maine Kelp and Tofu Soup: Miso soup is always a classic, but after finishing the kelp I started hallucinating that I was smoking a pipe in front of a lighthouse while I scanned the sea and muttered something about the clouds being “full to the gunwales,” the fading light emphasizing my brooding features. I then turn away and walk silently, a reflection of how the ocean has left her mark on my weathered heart. Tofu was a bit chewy though. 8/10