A lot of people see fear as something adversarial. We’ve all heard the phrase “face your fears”; we also constantly talk about running from our fears, being haunted by our fears, fighting our fears and trying to be without any fear. It seems only natural that we would conflict with something as compelling as fear. The emotion can control us—it makes us say and do things we wouldn’t otherwise. Fear haunts the mind, and fear possesses the body.

I’ve always been a very fearful person. When I was younger, my fears consisted of what you would expect of a child: heights, zombies, the monster under my bed (I still check sometimes), the dark and, now, at my ripe age of 20, I still fear all of the above. In fact, I keep a list of my fears in my phone’s notes app; in it, I have over 100 fears listed. Some fears are sillier than others, but all of them are real. For example, fear #4 is “Disappointing those I care for,” while fear #71 is “Owning a Kia Soul.” Coincidentally, if fear #71 becomes a reality, fear #4 will be a direct result.

You might think it’s silly, but I find this list of fears very comforting. Many people view their fears as poltergeists—malevolent spirits hell-bent on causing harm and disturbance. It’s very understandable that people view and treat their fears as such. When you feel fear, all you want to do is escape it—you want to not feel it anymore, so you try and banish the poltergeist. And even more than the feeling itself, the way we think of fear is rooted in the way we talk about it. Hearing the phrase “fight your fears” in every media piece will lead you to think of fear as your enemy. I don’t think so.

Fear, to me, is not a poltergeist, but a different type of ghost, one that follows you everywhere you go, watching and possessing you when the time is right. Now, this might sound even scarier than the poltergeist, but this possession isn’t a bad thing—as long as you don’t let it take full control. Fear, like all our other emotions, is natural and serves a common purpose: keeping us alive. It stops you from going near the cliff edge because it knows you might fall, it keeps you from saying the wrong thing to the wrong person because it knows you won’t want to deal with the aftermath and it keeps you alert and aware of what is going on around you when you need it most.

The part of fear we get hung up on is its overwhelming nature: It can stop us from doing things we want to or need to do, because they may risk some harm coming our way. This is where many think one needs to leave fear behind or fight it, but the truth of the matter is, fear can never be gotten rid of—and neither should it be.

Bravery and overcoming fear when you need to do something great is not about letting go of fear but acting while it still possesses you. It can keep you company, serving as a friendly ghost, not an adversarial one. This all depends on how you frame fear in your life, how much you let it control you and whether you choose to live with the ghost or run from it. One of my favorite quotes about fear comes from a children’s cartoon on Netflix titled “Trollhunters: Tales of Arcadia.”

“Never forget that fear is but the precursor of valor, that to strive and triumph in the face of fear is what it means to be a hero. Don’t think. Become.”