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If Housing Had Majors

April 24, 2020

Sometimes I think Bowdoin was just a fever dream. After only getting to spend a semester and a half there, the whole thing could’ve just been an extended psychotic break, maybe a really vivid dream if I was lucky. I’ve lost a disheartening amount of motivation (sorry Professor Nerdahl/Franz/Mohandesi/Jones, it’s nothing personal), and I’ve also forgotten how to read (I’m dictating this whole article over Siri). Clearly, I have been no match for quarantine. I even got a job at Target in the hopes it would give me some sense of normalcy, but there’s this cute old man who works there that looks a little too much like my grandfather, so I’ve spent a lot of time just worrying about this man and his safety. I’ve also started impulsively popping my pimples again since no one’s seeing my face anyways, and yesterday I put on track pants for the first time in two weeks and thought that was kinda fancy of me. So that should give you a good idea of how I’m doing right now.

Additionally, I’ve been spending a lot of time on Twitter which is both awful and kinda magnificent, although it’s been doing numbers on the amount of intrusive thoughts I have per day. Anyways, last week I saw a tweet declaring that yellow, the number three, the letter C and Wednesday all have the same energy, which I kinda get, but I think that’s just because they’re all the third thing in their respective categories. Anyways, it got me thinking about what on campus has similar energies. My first thought was which College Houses professors would belong in, but considering I’ve literally only had 10 professors, it stopped short pretty quickly. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that a lot of Bowdoin’s majors and on and off-campus housing have similar vibes. I’ve done my best to pair them as I see fit below, but as always, if you disagree, I don’t want to know <3.

First year bricks: Psychology. Everyone has this phase, but you’ll grow out of it eventually.

Lighthouse: Economics. Maybe it’s because Lighthouse is home to a decent chunk of our athletes, and I feel like econ is oversaturated with varsity bros, but this one just seems to work. Whether or not this is true, you’d think they’d at least have some sense to invest in a mop, but I guess I’ll just keep destroying my sneakers on their sticky basement floors until they do so.

Brunswick Apartments: Government. The degree and housing of the people.

Page Street; German. You studied abroad in Berlin, host parties with European electronica and have an obsession with red. This is also the off-campus house I have dissociated the most at, but that’s besides the point.

Reed House; Biology. Okay, I might be biased since I’m supposed to live in Reed next year and am loosely planning on having some sort of degree in Bio, but I KNOW I can’t be the only one that thinks this. I think having that huge backyard definitely contributes to this vibe, and also the whole ~not like other girls~ aspect of residing on Boody Street is part of it as well. I mean, it can’t be a coincidence that Reed rhymes with weed.

Noble Street; History. If anyone’s planning a revolutionary coup, it’s these guys.

Burnett House; Art History. No one really knows who you guys are, but you like being elusive. You’re quirky, you don’t mind having a window that goes to nowhere (it’s artistic commentary!) and you probably smoke cigarettes.

Coles Tower; Environmental Science. Considering Coles had a bug infestation this spring, this one feels like a no-brainer. Also, everyone talks about both of these like they’re super cool and fun, but once you’re inside, it’s honestly like a seven at best.

Mayflower Apartments; English. Unproblematic vibes. Kinda outta the way, but once you’re there, you don’t want to leave.

Belmont Street; Legal Studies. After last year’s porchfest, anything to prepare for a future case with the BPD.

Pine Street Apartments; Biochemistry. You probably hate yourself.

Baxter House; Sociology. Baxter basement is where morality goes to die, and honestly so much weird shit happens down there I wouldn’t be shocked if you could make a few case studies out of it. Also, first-years think you’re cool until they’ve had a few weeks of you, after which the “new college shine” starts to rub off a bit.

Park Row; Neuroscience. You have your life together, and I hate it. F*** you.


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One comment:

  1. c/o 2022 says:

    this is 52 harpswell erasure. and smith house and basically half the chem free housing lol

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