Music for those who've been played
"Love Stinks," said The J. Geils Band, and all the indignant single people agreed.
In celebration of Valentine's Day I was going to write about the phenomenon of love; the subject that, in some form or another, infiltrates the majority of the songs we have learned to call rock and roll. Then I realized that love is something less like a phenomenon and more like a myth here at our frozen little slice of society otherwise known as Bowdoin College.
In the true bitterness that only an unattached Bowdoin student can understand, I decided that a list of songs for an anti-Valentine's Day would reach a lot more people here. So if you are particularly bitter this Valentine's Day, you can have a girls' or guys' night out and forget the whole idea of dating and pour your emotions out to a bowl of ice cream (or a six pack of beer).
Or you can take the less pathetic route and crank your stereo and dance like "Mr. or Ms. I'll-call-you-tomorrow" only wishes they could move. Your stereo is a much more reliable date anyway: it doesn't forget to call, it says whatever you want it to say, if it pisses you off you just shut it off, and to top it off, it gives you your own personal serenade everyday-what date does that? So, if you're one of the many having a date with your CD collection this V Day, here are some songs to listen to for an Anti-Valentine's Day hit list:
Velvet Underground's "The Gift"-if Waldo wasn't so thick he would have realized that Marsha was not being as faithful as he. So if he is going to be so stupid as to actually mail himself for someone who doesn't even love him, then he is probably better getting his skull chopped in two. Isn't a cracked cranium less painful than a broken heart?
Garth Brooks "Two Piña Coladas"-much to my surprise, there are a few pop-country fans at this school. Although they may be in the minority, everyone needs an anti-Valentine theme of their own-no roses and champagne here. Chase this with "Why Don't We Get Drunk," by Jimmy Buffet. Happiness for middle aged white men reached through alcohol and a lack of romanticism-ahh, how encouraging.
Guns n' Roses "I Used to Love Her"-I can't say that GNR are the most politically correct boys ever to grace the airwaves, but they do release some of that relationship angst. Listen to Axl; it's okay to despise an ex.
Violent Femmes' "Blister in the Sun"-We all know what this song is really about, and it sure isn't love in the sense of being a couple. Single-handed fun is what it's all about here.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs' "Bang"-New York's female fronted trio sings about needing the real thing tonight, and something tells me that she isn't talking about dinner and a movie. Forget what you've read-according the leading lady Karen O, "the bigger, the better."
While heated love songs might be fitting for your one-on-one Saturday night party, come Sunday morning you'll be back to the single-hood that has plagued you since your last relationship (read: last hook up). Think about it, do you really want to celebrate a holiday that only exists so Hallmark can stay in business? No.
Are you allowed to be bitter that people expect you to gush and buy chocolate? Yes. Hopefully these songs will help for a Valentine's Day that, even though not filled with romantic courtship, is full of much less stressful indulgences. Besides, love sounds a whole lot better when it's coming out of your speakers in heavy distortion.