Volume CXXXI, Number 22 April 19, 2002 f

Another label that girls don't relish
KARA OPPENHEIM

Earlier this year, I wrote an article about the word "slut"-what it means, what its implications are, why some girls are one and some girls aren't, and it was pretty clear that not many girls relish such a label.

In fact, most girls will do everything possible to ensure that they are not called sluts. However, it has been called to my attention that this sort of behavior, that is, someone trying as hard as she can to not be a slut, often gives a person another derogatory name-tease. So this week I look into this new and exciting world of avoiding sluttiness: WHAT IS A TEASE?

Ramona's friend Carrie is quite a tease. "She's known as a girl who goes out and flirts hardcore, but never, ever goes home with anyone. I think it sort of pisses guys off, because they might think they're going to hook up with her, but chances are, she's not going to do it. I don't know if she's just really picky or what, but she's definitely got a reputation as a flirt and a tease."

I went to talk to Carrie herself. "I don't really try to lead these guys on into thinking that I am going home with them and then not do it, but maybe it comes across that way. I've dealt with a slutty reputation before, so to avoid that I try to avoid hooking up with people unless I actually really like them. I guess I'm a bit of a flirt, though."

So Carrie thinks she's just flirting but Ramona says she's leading guys on. What's the difference between being a flirt and a tease?

It seems that flirting is general eye contact and smiling; the sort of thing one reads lessons about in YM. Being a tease, however, involves a girl flirting to such a degree that the guy she is talking to really believes something is going to happen, when that isn't her plan at all.

It is obviously a very fine line, varying with every instance and every girl and guy, but whether it be a revealing shirt combined with arm-touching or a conversation about sex that lasts for an hour next to a keg, there are things that a girl can do that give the impression that she wants to hook up with the guy she's talking to.

Adam despises girls who are teases. "It's just such a power trip for them. They try to get as many guys as aroused (Adam did not actually say "aroused" when we spoke, but this is a much more printable word than the one he did use) as they can so they can think to themselves, 'Oh, all these guys want me.' But it's just [expletive][expletive]. They don't actually like these guys or even want to hook up with them. They're so [expletive] insecure and can't handle the thought of actually taking their clothes off. They just want to feel good about themselves by making sure they could if they wanted to."

Some girls clearly don't care about the hookup-they just want to feel wanted. But this can backfire when guys stop liking them because they know nothing will ever happen. And in all honesty, if a girl leads enough guys on, how different is that from actually hooking up with them?

As Chuck, who is also fed up with teases, says, "If you're acting like such a slut, why not just be one?"

Jamie backs him up, "It's so [expletive] annoying. I mean, why is she wasting my time?"

Clearly, guys are far more excited (no pun intended) about this than girls are. Carrie defends herself, saying, "There's really no reason for them to believe I want to hook up with them if we're just talking. If they really like me, they'll come up to me during the day or ask me out or something. If not, then at least I've had fun talking. What's the harm, really?"

What I don't think Carrie understands is that by trying so hard not to be a slut, she is in fact gaining a reputation as a girl who thinks she's too good to have some fun with just anyone. She comes across as picky and a bit of a snob, if not worse.

At the same time, her point about guys she really likes pursuing her is not entirely invalid. Oftentimes a girl is a tease because she is nervous that the guy she likes will just reject her after a hookup. So she teases him to test how interested he is. This is not to say that this is a good idea, but can perhaps serve as a bit of an explanation for you straight men out there.

So girls, get some self-confidence and go for the guys you want rather than being a tease to see what responses you get. At the same time, guys, you must realize that it is usually insecurity and shyness that causes girls to lead you on. If you think you might like her, ask her out and see what she says, rather than complaining that all she does is talk to you. Who knows, maybe that girl you think is a tease is just looking for a good conversationalist.