The Super Bowl and terrorism
It's a story you've all heard before. A few stiff vodka
drinks, a few shots of tequila, some domestic beer, a chugging contest
or two, and the next thing you know you're babbling incoherently and being
asked to leave a party.
At three o'clock, I conceded that I wouldn't be able to
besot myself the way any good football fan should on the Super Sunday,
and I made the difficult and hard-to-respect decision not to drink. At
5:30 I was out of bed and had assumed my appropriate position on the couch.
In fact, I had risen just in time to experience the overwhelmingly necessary,
undoubtedly relevant, and unrelentingly emotional dramatization of the
signing of the Declaration of Independence that preceded the game. I was
elated to be wearing my stars and stripes boxers, and after witnessing
such a poignant display of American patriotism, I truly was "ready
for some football."
The game got off to a fairly predictable start with the
Rams taking an early lead. I sat, virtually incapacitated, devoting the
whole of my attention to the game.
As it moved toward halftime, things began to get strange.
The Patriots took a two-score lead, and as a result of a provocative and
mind-numbingly expensive TV ad I began to look at drug-use in a whole
new light. The innocence of victimless indulgence had been replaced by
the notion that people I know, by purchasing illegal drugs, were complicit
in terrorist acts.
One of these terrorists called me on the phone and asked
if I had seen the ad. I was reluctant to speak with him for fear of being
the target of a government investigation, or worse, being implicated in
a terrorist plot. He tried to assure me that the ad, which cost the White
House $1.6 million to run, was simply an attempt to link the popular war
on terrorism to the war on drugs. I quickly dismissed this errant claim
as the ranting of a radical and subversive thinker who may or may not
have ties to the Al Qaeda network.
Then, the second $1.6 million ad (bringing the total to
$3.2 million) aired. I was confronted with the confessions of young boys
who admitted to helping terrorists get fake passports, and also confessed
to "helping murder families in Colombia."
I was deeply moved by this commercial, and outraged at the
confessions of these innocent teens that had gotten involved with terrorism
as a direct result of searching for a "good time." I have never
agreed with the use of illegal drugs, but prior to Super Sunday I had
always been open-minded enough to turn a blind eye to the indulgence of
those I know and occasionally consort with.
Things have changed. How can I, privy to the knowledge that
those whom with I am (or was) acquainted have murdered innocent Colombians,
sit idly by while terrorists all over the country get high and peacefully
enjoy themselves? After witnessing the patriotic pregame display, it just
didn't seem right not to act.
On the other hand, terrorists deliberately target innocent
civilians. They are evil, as are the drugs they indulge in. Americans
spend 32 billion dollars a year on marijuana, making it our nation's number
one cash crop.
This simply cannot continue. That $32 billion could almost
cover the $38 billion increase in defense spending Bush has proposed in
his recently released budget, and would help clear up confusion over the
coinciding of massive increases in defense spending and more tax cuts.
This money must be seized at all costs. I am willing to advocate the subjugation
of civil liberties, in addition to whatever means our administration deems
necessary to seek out these stoned evil-doers.
The revelation that at least 70,000,000 million terrorists-an approximation of the number of Americans who have tried marijuana-are living among within our ranks binds us to act, quickly and with great force. If you ask me, those ads were worth the $3.2 million.