Volume CXXXIII, Number 14 February 1, 2002 f

Diaries of an IM baller
M.J. NORTHROP
STAFF WRITER

Whew!!! That was a tough, hard-fought battle. I let it all hang out. My inside-outside game was flowin' as I worked it down low and on the perimeter.
Oh…wait...this is a basketball column, not my imagination running wild as I try to fall asleep.
Mm-hmm, so yes, back to basketball. Truth is, I don't have an inside game. I am strictly an outside player; I don't like mixing it down low with those sweaty brutes-it messes up my hair. And when I do venture in the slums (God forbid), I usually get both verbally and physically abused. Like, during a pickup game recently, I skied high for a rebound and came crashing down on my face, without the ball. Looking up in a daze, there stood a giant with the ball.
"You, scrawny long hair, stay outta my house! Come in here again and I'll scalp one of your greasy locks for a souvenir!"
My response: "What, you think you're a tall drink of water or something?" That usually shuts them up.
That's the thang, on the court you have to stand up for yourself. As soon as you let someone get to you, it's over. They prey on you like rats on cheese. And I'm no piece of cheese. I ignore the junk by staying focused. Usually I just pick a popular tune from the radio and let it play over and over in my head.
Take my routine shooting the ball: Square up, bend knees, release, follow through, "I'm not a player, I just crush a lot!" Swish.
Visualization is key too. Did you know Olympic athletes replay their events over and over in their head before they actually put on their uniforms and compete? Same thing with me (although we aren't so pretentious to need uniforms in this league, remember, it's for love of the game).
I am constantly visualizing my conquests on the court. In class today, for example: Mitosis begins with the division of cells along a cellular membrane aided by cellular proteins embedded in the plasma membrane…Fake left, step right, head fake, touch rim…. now practice with the ball, Michael. Hey, don't rush the neurolinguistic transmitters, you gotta plant the seed and let it grow. Word.
In terms of games, they haven't started yet, but they will soon…soon, my friends. Res Life is probably still working out the TV contracts. Damn media, it's always about the Benjamins with those bastards.
Until then, we won't practice for fear of injury. How distraught would you be if the star you came to watch couldn't play because of an injury? Yeah, me too. Just don't slip on the ice fellas, it's nasty out there. North Carolina!