Volume CXXXIII, Number 3
September 21, 2001
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Bowdoin Bubble: A vacuum of romance
KARA OPPENHEIM

In spite of the fact that I spent last week talking about the possible forms of male-female relations at Bowdoin, a recent Sunday morning conversation made it quite clear that most students here do not even explore the options available to them. Four girls sat around with bottles of water and Advil as they discussed their weekends. Before long, all realized that while they have enjoyed relationships, hookups and flirtations at home, they find that such is not the case here at school. There is no romance beneath the pines! The Bubble? Ha! More like the Vacuum! So this week, I recount said discussion as well as I can remember it, in an attempt to understand WHY BOWDOIN LACKS ROMANCE.

Charlotte: What is wrong with the people here? Why is it so hard to find someone?! Where is my knight in shining armor?

Serena: The thing is, I think that because Bowdoin is so small, everyone is afraid to go out on a limb. I go out and I only talk to my friends.

Carrie: I meet people when I go out.

Charlotte: No, you only met people the first few weeks of freshman year. After that, you're just introduced to people you really already know, but haven't had long conversations with yet.

Carrie: True. I think I need to broaden my horizons.

Serena: I have very broad horizons and I am still very, very single.

Carrie: I am so sick and tired of flirting with people when I am drunk at a party and then walking past them with just a quick hello during the day. How is that supposed to lead to anything??

Charlotte: It leads to random hookups.

Carrie: But I can't hook up with everyone! Then I would be a slut!

Serena: Yes, you would.

Charlotte: I want someone to take me out on a date!

Abigail (joining conversation from staring at the wall): You know what I want? I want some guy to show up at my door one night and just be like, 'Come on, baby' and whisk me upstairs and then 'Oh my god!'

Charlotte: Don't we all.

Serena: The other day, my mom was like "Honey, I don't mean to worry you, but college is really the time to meet people. It's the only time everyone is single."

Abigail: And horny.

Carrie: There are so many non-single people here; it's ridiculous.

Abigail: No darling, we aren't counting the ones with imaginary girlfriends at home.

All laugh, thinking of how many boys they know with "girlfriends from home".

Serena: I don't think I am ever going to get married.

Abigail: Married? I am definitely not worried about that right now.

Charlotte: No, but really, I mean Serena's mom is so right. This is the time to sow our wild oats!

Carrie: Doesn't that refer to guys?

Charlotte: Shut up, you know what I meant.

Abigail: Yeah, like in the real world people are married and have kids and stuff.

Serena: Or are engaged to the person they met in college.

Charlotte: Which is why it SUCKS that I can't meet anyone here!

Carrie: It's not like there's anything wrong with us. We have all had relationships at home and hooked up with lots of people at home!

Abigail: AAAAAAAH! I hate this! It's a void!

Charlotte: The Bowdoin Void!

Serena: I just want to go out one night and have to turn someone down!

Abigail: And be like "I'm sorry, so-and-so is hotter and cooler than you and he hit on me first."

Carrie: Rather than having three guys grope me when they walk by as I am in a deep conversation with the same guy I was flirting with last weekend.

Abigail: And has he asked you out or called you or emailed you ever?

Carrie: NO.

Abigail: Yet there is clearly some interest, as you two go through the same routine every weekend.

Serena: Can't someone tell these boys to just grow up and go for it?

Charlotte: I mean, they complain that they can't find girls either!

Abigail: Be aggressive!

Serena: We're all here! Take us! Now!

**ALL NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE REPUTATIONS OF PERSONS INVOLVED**