All of us remember that scene in Annie Hall when Woody Allen asks a loving elderly couple how they keep their relationship fresh. "We use a large, vibrating egg," they respond loudly. To this, Dr. Kinsey would probably smile politely and take his cryptic notes.
"The only unnatural sex act," writes Kinsey, "is that which you cannot perform." We may know little about the bottom of the ocean, but just about every combination of human bodies has been thoroughly tested, as Dr. Kinsey's collection of erotic art, held at Indiana University, attests. They've all been claimed and named, none of them anything too flattering. So here goes a question I received this week about old dogs and new tricks:
Dear Dr. Kinsey,
Why is the "doggie" position so much better than the other positions? Sadly, it's also so great that sex never lasts too long. Is there another position that is similar to doggie (but not quite doggie) but pleases like doggie?
Also, should I be concerned that I am not gazing into my lover's eyes while I'm doing the doggie? Do you think doggie takes the love out of lovemaking?
-Must Love Doggie
MLD, I'm assuming you're referring to what I'll feel more professional calling "rear entry"—or what polite couples call "him behind" (unless he's not a he, as in pegging). You know the turn of phrase: "then he got behind me, but I couldn't see him so it was really impersonal."
As you probably know, you're not alone in your enjoyment or in your concern. The pleasure for you is probably g-spot stimulation, made easier by the angle of penetration and your mutual mobility. And, as the name implies, the position is primal and age-old—don't judge yourself or your partner for it, but there's probably something exciting and liberating about that.
I won't get into the concept of the g-spot, which a deep-seated fear of female sexuality has kept most scientists from researching (not Kinsey). Suffice it to say that you can do your homework and easily provide g-spot stimulation in other ways—alternate to these if you'd like.
As for modifying the position to add some intimacy: I think you can lean on furniture or the bed to support yourself enough to turn around and have a chat. Not to sound too "Cosmo," but lean back into his chest if you can, so you can touch more and look at one another.
If you're just hooking up with someone and they refuse to look at you, go ahead and be concerned. That said, gazing deeply into your lover's eyes at all times sounds... unsettling.
For perspective: as with so many "problems" and questions about sex, yours, MLD, doesn't really need answering. What I mean is it just needs to be voiced, so that others can hear it and recognize their concerns in yours.
Kinsey's studies said loudly to America that, in sex as in life, there is no normal or prescribed act. People with innocent questions and needless fears found hope in the voices of their anonymous peers. But ideas about what's "normal" aren't gone, and I hope at a place like our college we continue to speak up for ourselves, because we might also be speaking up for each other.
Kinseys' graduation picture featured a prescient caption from his classmates that if Alfred "loosened up" he might make "quite the man." For seniors, I hope we take his example to heart, remembering the more personal ways we can explore our futures and ourselves. Last, we might also take a moment to remember what we've already learned (I hope a lot) from our peers in the form of sex, relationships, and fond eye contact.