Dear Katherine,
I am a first year, and I’m so excited for Ivies! What is Brunswick Quad though…?
Sincerely,
Excited in Edwards

Dear Excited,
Ah, Ivies. The perennial celebration of spring, music and the incredible force of the human will to overcome obstacles. (By obstacles, I mean hangovers.)
You have asked the age-old question. You’re in good company. Philosophers for centuries have mused on this inquiry: Plato, Nietzsche, that guy in our political theory class. “What is Brunswick Quad?” they ask, staring up at the heavens and, in their state of distraction, losing a game of slap cup.
I have actually only attended one Ivies so far. This is my biggest failing. So I am bringing in a guest co-writer to help me out: Ivies Goddess Jillian Burk.* Jillian hails from the great state of Canada, where it’s a national pastime to drink until you can’t feel the cold—a key skill if you want to rock an Ivies sundress. For the rest of this column, we will be writing our collective opinion in the first-person plural.
Ah, youth. We’re so excited for you to become Ivies aficionados like ourselves (read: like Jillian). We have a definitive answer to your inquiry. Brunswick Quad is like a family reunion, except everyone is as drunk as your one crazy aunt and you can make out with people without them being your cousin. It’s an outside darty where for a few sweet hours, we all pretend we go to a party school by playing beer pong in the dirt, generating tornadoes of trash and wearing crop tops that we should have thrown away after senior year of high school.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, as an added bonus, we’re going to impart some of our Ivies wisdom onto you. Here are some handy tips to survive the Friday afternoon darty that is Brunswick Quad:
1)    Make sure you either a) befriend someone who lives in a Brunswick apartment or b) get really good at sneaking into slightly ajar doors. At some point you are going to need to pee. (There are also porta-potties, but we’re above that.)
2) Wear something identifiable in case you get separated from your friends. For instance, a grape costume or a scuba suit or nothing.
3) No napping. Not yet. Not until you’ve drank every last drop. Napping is admitting defeat. Napping is like lying down and sleeping 13 miles into a marathon. Napping is like kissing your cousin. It’s just wrong.
4) Try not to destroy things like college property or relationships or your liver.
5)  Eat beforehand. Your body will thank you later. Just kidding. Your body won’t thank you for any of this.
6)  Choose your drink wisely. Starting out too strong or not adequately planning ahead can ruin your afternoon.** No cream-based liqueurs for the love of God. Avoid alcohols that make you sleepy (see rule 3). Like wine. Or Nyquil.
7)    Be careful where you leave your things. Do not give them to friendly strangers. Do not stash them in sneaky place. You will never find them again; they will be lost to the graveyard of solo cups and dignities.
8)    Remember, people can see into the windows of the apartments. If you choose to hook up in a Brunswick room, please consider putting down the blinds.
9) Do not go on slip-and-slides if you ever want to see your nipples again.
Just remember: Ivies is a marathon, not a sprint. And God knows, this is the only kind of marathon we’ll ever run.

Out,
Katherine and Jillian
*Jillian is on Peer Health and does not endorse binge drinking. Katherine has no comment.
**Again, Jillian is on Peer Health.

Dear Katherine,
I am a first year, and I’m so excited for Ivies! What is Brunswick Quad though…?
Sincerely,
Excited in Edwards
 
Dear Excited,
Ah, Ivies. The perennial celebration of spring, music and the incredible force of the human will to overcome obstacles. (By obstacles, I mean hangovers.)

You have asked the age-old question. You’re in good company. Philosophers for centuries have mused on this inquiry: Plato, Nietzsche, that guy in our political theory class. “What is Brunswick Quad?” they ask, staring up at the heavens and, in their state of distraction, losing a game of slap cup.

I have actually only attended one Ivies so far. This is my biggest failing. So I am bringing in a guest co-writer to help me out: Ivies Goddess Jillian Burk.* Jillian hails from the great state of Canada, where it’s a national pastime to drink until you can’t feel the cold—a key skill if you want to rock an Ivies sundress. For the rest of this column, we will be writing our collective opinion in the first-person plural.

Ah, youth. We’re so excited for you to become Ivies aficionados like ourselves (read: like Jillian). We have a definitive answer to your inquiry. Brunswick Quad is like a family reunion, except everyone is as drunk as your one crazy aunt and you can make out with people without them being your cousin. It’s an outside darty where for a few sweet hours, we all pretend we go to a party school by playing beer pong in the dirt, generating tornadoes of trash and wearing crop tops that we should have thrown away after senior year of high school.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, as an added bonus, we’re going to impart some of our Ivies wisdom onto you. Here are some handy tips to survive the Friday afternoon darty that is Brunswick Quad:

1)    Make sure you either a) befriend someone who lives in a Brunswick apartment or b) get really good at sneaking into slightly ajar doors. At some point you are going to need to pee. (There are also porta-potties, but we’re above that.)

2) Wear something identifiable in case you get separated from your friends. For instance, a grape costume or a scuba suit or nothing.

3) No napping. Not yet. Not until you’ve drank every last drop. Napping is admitting defeat. Napping is like lying down and sleeping 13 miles into a marathon. Napping is like kissing your cousin. It’s just wrong.

4) Try not to destroy things like college property or relationships or your liver.

5)  Eat beforehand. Your body will thank you later. Just kidding. Your body won’t thank you for any of this.

6)  Choose your drink wisely. Starting out too strong or not adequately planning ahead can ruin your afternoon.** No cream-based liqueurs for the love of God. Avoid alcohols that make you sleepy (see rule 3). Like wine. Or Nyquil.

7)    Be careful where you leave your things. Do not give them to friendly strangers. Do not stash them in sneaky place. You will never find them again; they will be lost to the graveyard of solo cups and dignities.

8)    Remember, people can see into the windows of the apartments. If you choose to hook up in a Brunswick room, please consider putting down the blinds.

9) Do not go on slip-and-slides if you ever want to see your nipples again.
Just remember: Ivies is a marathon, not a sprint. And God knows, this is the only kind of marathon we’ll ever run.

Out,
Katherine and Jillian
*Jillian is on Peer Health and does not endorse binge drinking. Katherine has no comment.
**Again, Jillian is on Peer Health.