Hello, precious readers! This week, I’m doing rapid fire—lots of questions and short answers.
As always, these were all actual questions that have been submitted to my anonymous Google form.

Q. How do I put "being OK at GarageBand once" on my résumé?
A. I believe it goes in the Skills section, next to “proficient in Dance Dance Revolution.” But I would ask Career Planning.

Also, you should say “being good at GarageBand once.” It’s ok to embellish.
Q. “How will people know that I'm having a bad day if I don't play Daniel Powter on repeat on Spotify publicly?”
A. They will know if you walk around looking glum. Wear Doc Martins. Say, “I just can’t even with this week.” Ruin things for other people. Leave in the middle of conversations. Cry loudly in the Union. Spread your negativity far and wide. Alternatively, you could say, “I’m having a bad day” and talk it out.

Q. “Is it possible to delete one's Facebook and not have it be a social statement?”
A. No. Or at least people will think it is a social statement. But honestly who cares. Live your truth, you technologically adverse butterfly. Social media can be really tiring and sometimes toxic. If deleting your Facebook is the right choice for you, then it honestly doesn’t matter if people think it’s a “social statement.”

Q. “How many OneCards should I go through before I graduate?”
A. This will depend on how much you shotgun, how tight your pants pockets are, whether you are so messy that you can’t see your bedroom floor, whether you have one of those fancy phone cases with the card carriers and how much time you spend in the vicinity of the hockey team. I could probably make a complicated statistical model to conduct individual estimates if I hadn’t almost failed statistics. 

Q. “What can I do to procure your love?”
A. 1. Avoid being seen.
2. If seen, back away slowly.
3. Make no sudden movements.
4. Do not throw food at the wolf.
(This is actually just the first four bullet points on Wikihow’s “How to Survive a Wolf Attack.” I imagine, however, these still might be helpful).

Q. “Why does this classroom smell like soup when no one is eating any and we are far from any food serving areas?”
A. Is it Bannister? Because if so, you are so right. That classroom does always smell like soup. Also, are you sure that no one is eating any? Express lunchers can be sneaky. 

Q. “Why is My Tie spelled like "my tie"? That's pretty stupid, don't you think?”
A. Yes, that is pretty stupid; however, I liked how at senior night, they served mini drinks in little test tubes.

Q. To wine or not to wine?
A. That is the question.
Jk. It’s not even a question. The answer is To wine, obviously. I’m a SWUG, after all—what do you expect?