The Bowdoin Orient

Recent attempts by the Student Activities Funding Committee (SAFC) to bring the Bowdoin Orient to its knees have put this newspaper at a crossroads. It could fight back; it has leverage against the purse-keepers, and might win in a showdown. Or, the Orient could treat this crisis as an opportunity to undergo a drastic but inevitable metamorphosis.

A year and a half after a reaccreditation team identified academic advising one of Bowdoin's weak spots, the College will report its plans to improve pre-major academic advising to the Board of Trustees next weekend. The report will mark the culmination of an initiative that began last September and has involved a number of meetings with students and faculty as well as an advising survey of current first years.

In the offices that overlook the serving lines at Thorne Dining Hall, whose top-ranked fare was celebrated most recently this week in the style pages of the New York Times, a team of literal and figurative bean-counters are constantly brainstorming ways to maintain Bowdoin's dining reputation in the face of spiking food prices.

Bowdoin's Arabic teacher spends two hours a week teaching the alphabet, pronunciation, and simple word combinations to a class of some 15 students on Friday afternoons. Although he often stays after class to help beginners with questions, he does not get paid overtime?in fact, he does not get paid for teaching at all. That's because Bowdoin's Arabic teacher is a student.

The faculty may vote as early as next week on a measure that would forbid students in the Class of 2012 and beyond from using the Credit/D/Fail option in classes taken to fulfill distribution requirements. The Curriculum and Educational Policy Committee (CEP) is expected to submit a motion at Monday's faculty meeting addressing the question and recommending that the body vote in favor of the rule change.

College graduation is often associated with freedom. But with tuition costs at an all-time high, Bowdoin graduates often find themselves shackled by student loan debt years after receiving their degrees. No more.

A local labor union is claiming that Bowdoin is complicit in the exploitation of construction workers on the site of the future Watson Ice Arena. Iron Workers Local 7, a union headquartered in South Boston, began distributing fliers this week charging that CCS, the steel erector subcontracted in the construction, does not "abide by community standards regarding wages and working conditions."

Several of Bowdoin's peer schools have announced new plans to ease student debt in the face of rising tuition costs. Colby College announced Monday that it will eliminate loans from all financial aid packages for students from Maine, replacing them with grants beginning next fall.

Sierra Magazine has awarded Bowdoin an honorable mention for being one of America's most environmentally conscientious colleges.

As a number of students have latched on to presidential campaigns, a notable Bowdoin alumnus has leaped into the fray as well. Larry Lindsey '76, an economist who has served as an advisor to Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush and George W. Bush, has signed on to former Sen. Fred Thompson's campaign as a senior economic advisor. In a campaign press release, Thompson praised Lindsey for playing "a critical role in cutting taxes for hard-working Americans."

Weeks after being awarded the seventh spot in U.S. News and World Report's annual list of America's top liberal arts colleges, Bowdoin has taken a position against the controversial U.S. News list and other rankings systems. Along with 18 other liberal arts college presidents, President Barry Mills co-signed a statement, released September 7, expressing concern over the ?admissions frenzy? and ?the way in which rankings can contribute to that frenzy and to a false sense that educational success or fit can be ranked in a single numerical list.?

Pending final approval from the U.S. Department of Education (DOE) and the U.S. Navy, Bowdoin may nearly double the size of its campus by 2012?for free.

For a year and a half, this little plot of real estate here in the back of the Orient has been my sanctuary from the furore and vexation of academia. Out there, my essays, exegeses, and existentialist ruminations lurch and strain beneath the weight of scrutiny.

Spring Break is a lot of things. It's a time to exhale, forget about functions, formulas, Foucault, and failing grades, and coax your blood pressure down to a rate that doesn't make your forehead resemble a topographical map of Utah. It's an opportunity to catch up on reading, sleep, and episodes of "The Office." It's an excuse to head south and reintroduce your pasty, translucent skin to the long-forgotten phenomena of "sun," "warmth," and "body shots." But despite its virtues, Spring Break one thing above all: a tease.

Herschel Sternlieb showed up at Wednesday's meeting of the Brunswick Conservation Commission (BCC) prepared to make a presentation proposing the construction of a public park on Brunswick Naval Air Station (BNAS) land once the base closes. He was second on the commission's agenda.

As February trudges patiently along, Bowdoin first years may find themselves doing some serious introspection. At least, that's what happened to me two years ago.

President Barry Mills and Bowdoin Student Government (BSG) have reached a tentative compromise regarding the creation of a Community Response Committee (CRC), which would consider how Bowdoin might respond to "humanitarian issues" in the world. Mills had opposed the creation of a permanent committee, while BSG recently passed a resolution calling for one. Mills?s proposal satisfied a number of officers, including BSG President DeRay Mckesson '07 and Vice President of BSG Affairs Dustin Brooks '08, who said that a committee administered by the student government could be just as effective as one administered by the College.

On October 20, I used this space to lecture about temperance. I climbed up on my soapbox and explained that the freedom built into the college lifestyle should not be abused, because someday in the not-too-distant future our generation will be responsible for preserving civilization in an era of growing population, advancing technology, diminishing natural resources, and mounting cultural tensions. Well, a real man knows when to admit he was wrong. And I've got to say, I was way off base on that one.

Bowdoin students may want to think twice about what they say out loud this semester, because if they're not careful, it might end up on the Internet.

People love to read about celebrities. Us Weekly, a magazine that keeps citizens well-informed as to which pop culture icons deserve our scorn for their iniquitous "fashion faux pas" each week, has been in publication for 27 years. People Magazine, whose cornerstone is its yearly naming of the "50 Most Beautiful People Alive," has been around for even longer.

Bowdoin students often trek to Colby or Bates to see their team clash with their rivals. In coming years, they may also make the trip to see their favorite bands perform.

The political power shift in Washington following the Democrats' reclamation of the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives could mean less debt for Bowdoin students and their parents in the near future.

Around this time of year, families gather together to celebrate a great day in the history of our country. I'm talking, of course, about November 20: Traffic Light Day.

Most Bowdoin students are accustomed to having Security check for violations of the College's alcohol policy. However, most of these checks are conducted on weekend nights at parties or large social gatherings where alcohol is being served.

At the sight of children squealing with glee and chasing each other around a jungle gym, most adults will sigh wistfully and think, "Oh, to be young again!" The exception, of course, are residents of Howard and West halls?located across from Longfellow elementary?who are more likely to say, "QUIET THE $%#@ DOWN! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS!?"

When I was about eight years old, I asked my dad how expensive college is. He told me it cost $20 each year to go. Because this was more money than I could ever image being in one place at one time, I panicked and began saving every nickel I could excavate from beneath the sofa cushions and every dime I could extract from between the car seats.

Freedom. It is a mighty concept, appealing to the most optimistic regions of the human heart.

President Barry Mills met with Bowdoin Student Government (BSG) President Deray Mckesson '07 on October 10 to discuss BSG's disagreement with Mills concerning the creation of a permanent College committee to identify crimes against humanity.

Back in the now-distant days of my blithe youth, the concept of adulthood befuddled me. I couldn't figure how my parents enjoyed "healthy" food when it failed to satisfy standard chocolate, peanut butter, or high fructose corn syrup criteria.

There has been no formal communication between Bowdoin Student Government (BSG) and President Barry Mills since BSG passed a resolution endorsing a permanent committee to identify crimes against humanity on September 27, Mills said Thursday in an interview with the Orient.

Ever wonder what the deal is with the lady on the Starbucks seal? The one who beckons you into her lair with her bewitching grin and the promise of temporary mania followed by atypical bowel cycles?

As students of American culture, you may have heard tell of a legislative (or "law-making") body known as "Congress." That's right, your middle school teachers weren't just yanking your chain when they taught you about our nation's bicameral legislature.

The days of waiting in line for treadmills, lifting dumbbells elbow-to-elbow with teammates, and searching in vain for spaces to stretch may be numbered for Bowdoin students.

During the fall of my first year at Bowdoin, I felt compelled to join a group on the then-benign Facebook called "Why Is My Life So Awkward?" Upon first discovering the group, I had been touched. "Finally," I thought to myself, "a group of collegians who, like me, have failed to outgrow their adolescent ineptitude. I shall find my niche at Bowdoin yet!"

Hey there, [your name], you old horsethief, you! How was your summer? "Good?" Really? Because I usually get a different answer! No, it wouldn't be awkward if you had said anything other than "good," not awkward at all! Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I'd like a few minutes alone with the first years.

Early last summer, first-year Jessica Song created a group on Facebook called "First Night Party!!" She got the idea from friends who had made a similar group at another college and thought that it would be fun to make one for the Bowdoin network. To Song?s surprise, her new classmates, whom she had never met, began joining the group in droves.

"Finals." It sounds so terminal?like an incurable disease whose end result is as excruciating as it is inevitable. I imagine a doctor in a lab coat standing gravely by at my bedside on a mid-May morning, stiffly clutching his clipboard. "I'm sorry, Mr. Kolowich," he softly utters. "I'm afraid you have...finals."

A sting operation conducted by the Department of Safety and Security resulted in a car chase last week when a man suspected of theft fled from campus security and then led state and local police in a high-speed pursuit.

Congratulations, friend. You made it to Ivies Weekend. You have endured the relentless onslaught of problem sets and three-to-five page essays. You have persevered through the 8 a.m. classes, the 80-minute lectures, the five-hour Friday afternoon labs, and the all-nighters. You bravely beat back frostbite, the common cold, the uncommon cold (syphilis), mono, ringworm, carpal tunnel syndrome, and a knife-wielding ruffian in the basement of School Street Apartments.

So I had this weird dream the other night. I dreamt that Bowdoin was an episode of VH1's "I Love the 90s," and that Bowdoin Student Government (BSG) had decided to distribute those old slap bracelet thingies in a joint effort with the Department of Safety and Security to make students more visible to traffic, and a bunch of washed-up pseudo-celebrities made fun of us for it.

Two construction workers are still in a critical care unit after the van they were driving crashed on their way to campus last week. On April 5, three employees of Knowles Industrial Services of Gorham, the contractor that the College hired to do masonry for the renovations of Appleton and Hyde Halls, were traveling south on Interstate 295 toward their Bowdoin job site. The driver lost control of the van and crashed, seriously injuring two of the men.

Listen, we didn't ask you here today to watch "Corwin's Quest: Realm of the Yeti" on Animal Planet. I know, I know, that is what I said on the phone. We invited you over because I feel... we all feel...that we need to confront you about something. Yes, I am serious. Wait; before you get upset, just hear me out. We've been noticing changes in your personality since it began?your behavior, the tone of your voice, your priorities. We all see it. You disappear for long periods of time without leave. We'll all be hanging out, and you'll slide into a back room and lock the door. We all know what you're doing back there.

Following the deaths of Katie Scott '06 and Taryn King '07 earlier this academic year, students found different ways to cope. Some attended College-sponsored vigils. Some attended funerals. Some sought the counsel of college staff, family, and friends. Some posted on King and Scott's Facebook "walls."

As the hand at the helm of the College, the administration is responsible for making tough calls, protecting institutional interests and traditions, and providing the student body with the resources and guidance it takes to maintain Bowdoin's reputation as a beacon of higher education. These duties are anything but trivial. As wide-eyed fledglings, hungry for a socially and intellectually rich four years, we, the students, depend on the College administrators to vomit a nourishing Bowdoin experience down our throats, having already chewed and digested it themselves; so to speak.

The Office of Residential Life has planned significant alterations for certain campus living spaces in response to a housing shortage caused by increased demand for on-campus housing. These changes will have immediate implications for the upcoming housing lottery. Residential Life plans to officially make the updated lottery information available today. Beginning next fall, all of the quads in Stowe Hall and three of the 14 quads in Howard Hall will take on an extra occupant and become "quints," adding a third bed to one of the two bedrooms, which currently house two beds each.

"Dixieland." What sorts of things leap to mind when you hear this term? Warm weather? Moonshine? Ted Turner? Those good ol' boys from Hazzard County? Home? The inexplicably popular Trace Adkins single "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk?" I'm willing to bet that for the majority of Bowdoin students, mention of the South evokes a hodgepodge of interrelated ideas: Red states, religious yahoos, "values" voters, country bumpkins carousing around in pickup flatbeds with their shotguns and smell hounds, stopping periodically to participate in a hootenanny and/or elect Bush.

Everybody loves a clown. Well, except for people who are paralyzed by fear at the mere mention of clowns (e.g. anyone who has seen the movie "Poltergeist" or heard of John Wayne Gacy, Jr.). Or people who think clowns are boring (e.g. anyone whose parents were so manipulated by classical conventions that they actually hired a clown to perform at your birthday party). Or people who think clowns are stupid (e.g. anyone who has ever borne witness to the musical stylings and stage antics of the Insane Clown Posse). Or anyone who thinks clowns are depressing (e.g. all vocational clowns). OK, that's a horrible example. Let's start over.

As a selection committee prepares to consider a record 213 candidates for residency in Bowdoin's six college houses, interviews with leaders of the College House System show that there is not a consensus on what the goals of the system should be. According to Director of Residential Life Kimberly Pacelli, the applicant pool is significantly larger than normal.

Are you a regular reader of the Orient? If you are, then you probably already know: We've got aliens. Exhibit A: Item one of the February 17 installment of the Orient news section's "Bowdoin Briefs" reads, and I quote: "A mysterious design in the snow appeared early this week on the Quad and left members of the Bowdoin community baffled as to how it got there. While some wrote it off as the work of student pranksters, others suggested that extraterrestrial forces might be involved." Need any more evidence? Didn't think so.

A few weeks ago, I was chatting with someone about my aspirations vis-à-vis my college education and professional future. He asked me what my major was, and as I tried to respond he cut me off. "Doesn't matter," he said, "as long as you learn how to COMMUNICATE." At first I was annoyed, because when he asked about my major he had clearly planned to interrupt me. But he was older, employed, and ostensibly wiser than I (and balding, which I understand also implies wisdom), so I didn't disregard his insight right away. And the more I reflected on my own communication skills and those of my fellow collegians, the more worried I became.

I read a story on BBC's news web site recently about a man who caught a mouse in his home. The man was bored, and instead of ridding himself of the mouse by drowning it or returning it to the wilds of British suburbia, he (probably) thought to himself "Oi, wouldn't it be a kick in the knickers if I torched the little bugger alive?" As fortune would have it, the man was burning brush in his backyard at the time. Giddy, he hurried outside and with sadistic pleasure cast the hapless rodent into the flames. "That'll teach 'im to dally about me property!" the man may or may not have said, reveling in the illusion of great power.

Do your parents keep scrapbooks of old photographs? Mine do. I'm not talking about the scrapbooks filled with photos of first steps, first birthdays, and first nude adventures in public; I'm talking about when they were in college. Have you ever seen pre-graduation college pictures of your parents? I could count the ones I've seen of mine on one hand, causing me to suspect that there are no more than five.

The Bowdoin Department of Safety and Security confiscated a pellet gun and a stolen construction sign from the room of a Coles Tower resident over Winter Break. They discovered the pellet gun, which is banned under the College's firearms policy, and the sign, which was stolen from a construction site on campus, during a sweep of all dorm rooms that were supposed to be vacant during the break.

Over a month after he was confronted at knifepoint in the basement of his 10 School Street residence and fended off the assailant with a Tide bottle, Joshua Cippel '08 was accosted again Wednesday night in the same location. This latest incident, which occurred at about 9:00 p.m., is the third report of trespassing on the school-leased property since the beginning of November. Cippel was coming up the basement stairs after dropping off laundry when he was "assaulted," according to the report compiled by Bowdoin Security.

Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart's right-hand correspondent on "The Daily Show" and the master of feigned gravitas, has finally been given what he earned long ago: his own show.

Boston-born comedian Dane Cook, hot off the release of his latest two-disc album, Retaliation, will perform tonight at Colby College's Wadsworth Gymnasium, as part of his promotional "Tourgasm" tour.

As an ardent supporter of equal rights, I was both frustrated by the guest speakers at Monday's event and disappointed by many of the protestors in attendance. The argument put forth by Mr. Heath, while well-worded, was fundamentally flawed.

Sam Beam, the Miami cinematography professor-turned-neo folk sensation?known better by his stage name, Iron and Wine?has collaborated with the Arizona-based alternative group Calexico to create a six-song EP entitled In the Reins.

On the heels of his second solo LP Songs for Silverman, released last spring, Ben Folds has put out a 28-track album of live and studio recordings, including speaking tracks in which he explains the origins of his music and his background as a musician. The album was made in conjunction with iTunes, and has been made available exclusively through the iTunes online music store.

For years, he blended in quietly with the Daily Show's stock of eyebrow-raising, stone-faced pseudo-journalists, dwarfed by the imposing genius of Jon Stewart. Through no fault of his own, he suffered NBC's ill-conceived attempt to repackage British humor and sell it to a broad American market with The Office. He achieved minor cult status as Brick Tamland in Anchorman, but still seemed to be treading water in a sea of one-dimensionality. Needless to say, I assumed that he was more suited to supporting a more versatile lead actor than supporting an entire movie.

Comedian Mitch Hedberg, one of the most popular stand-up acts today and a cult figure on college campuses, is reported to have died Wednesday while traveling between gigs on the East Coast. He was 37. As of Thursday night, his cause of death remained unconfirmed, although some have speculated that his passing may have been correlated with recent drug problems.

Traditionally, England's entertainment exports to America have been music-related. The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Clapton, Osborne...and well, everyone involved in the British Invasion. They even throw us a film every now and again. But rarely do the trades blow a British TV show west across the Atlantic. But just under a year ago, a rare gem washed up on U.S. shores, and has since developed a devoted, if not enormous, following.

Recently, I gave my mom Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet in Heaven as a gift. To be perfectly honest, I had no idea what it was about. I had merely heard various TV and radio personalities who were roughly my mom's age and attitudinal disposition extol the book as a thoughtful and inspiring encore to Albom's first best-seller, Tuesdays with Morrie, which I had not read.

After weeks of anticipation and frantic last-minute shopping, the day after Christmas usually brings with it a kind of pleasant, plump stagnation. This respite is welcome, for sure, but the post-holiday hangover can prompt a certain kind of restless languor that longs to be disrupted. So when my dad asked me if I'd like to go to Joel Schumacher's big screen adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera, I peeled myself off the couch and drove with him to our local movie theater.